Enigma Wrapped in a Paradox

Back in the middle

2009-05-25T10:39:00.002-05:00

So it has been a while and I cannot say many things have changed. Life is funny that way. All this time can pass, so many things can happen, but just the same, you are where you are and everything you've been through is what got you there, but honestly it does not really matter.

I forgot why I started writing this blog. At one point I figured I had something to say. I needed a place to vent and put my thoughts out into the world. Then I realized no one was listening. Shoot, I was not listening.

All this, this "life" thing is very strange. It makes no sense to me. Everything is changing. (It always does apparently). Yet, I do not handle change very well. I like doing what I like to do, when I want to do it, and perferably on my own terms. However, more often than not, I must act on the accord of others, which ultimately means, the vast majority of the time I do nothing. Because really, the only thing I can "control" is sitting and doing nothing. Some days I don't even bother to adjust the central air, because in my mind I am thinking "really? what's the point?" Now if that does not make any sense, I do not know what does.

I never claimed to makes sense. Goodness knows my friends would not have labeled me an "enigma wrapped in a paradox" if I was not one. What can you do?

Surely there is a better way for me to be spending my time right now, so I am going in search of it. Should I come across something of consequence that needs to be said, I will do that, but for now, I shall debate whether or not it is worth it.

Yeah...

2009-02-13T11:08:00.003-05:00

So this blog thing?... I have no time. Or better yet, I have too many good thoughts that have a better place than in this here blog. So...
Yeah...

Oh, and I have wrist issues. Can't be bothered with this keyboard. Ha ha! Word.

Best Friends

2008-10-03T13:26:00.003-05:00

First let me say, I'm not sure if I have a "best" friend, but there are a few who probably qualify. Regardless, there's nothing like seeing one of your best friends after you haven't seen them in a while.

A great, very dear friend of mine has ventured to my state and I actually got to visit with her. (The last time she was in-state she was 4 hours on the other side of the state... needless to say, we didn't visit). Anyway, I'd forgotten how much fun I had with this friend. Not that we did anything all that special, we just ran errands for her sister's wedding. All the same, getting to see her meant a lot. I guess I hadn't seen her in two years, and perhaps only talked to her 3-5 times, if that.

Now it occurs to me (as it probably will from now until eternity), the friends I made in college I've been friends with for 10 years. That is amazing! Granted 4 of those years we were in college, in that same space together, but just the same, where did those 10 years go? We have certainly all changed during that time--a feat in and of itself, remarkable--but who would have guessed these friendships would survive the time and distance.

The time is perhaps understandable, it's really only been 6 years since we parted that place, but the distance is crippling. I just realized today that the last time I saw two of my really good friends was over a year ago! I had been promising since the last time I saw them I would visit again. So much for keeping that promise.

I work hard at maintaining my friendships and so far it seems to be working. Even if my friends never call me back, they know I still remember them.

I suppose this starts the "reflective" phase of my year. The glorious crisp breeze of autumn, bright skies, rainy days, and the warmth that radiates from inside is all it takes to get me to think of those days filled with friends, the laughs, and the stories that were those shared times.

*Sigh* I know we're big into lacrosse, but geez! There's a REASON homecoming is in the fall!!

Ha ha! To my best friend who I actually got to see, I hope to see you again soon! *mwah!*

Kvetch

2008-09-19T14:49:00.002-05:00

kvetch: v.1 (Yiddish) to complain

In the spirit of the Kvetching board run every Friday by the local campus newspaper I thought I'd complain, to myself, about something that happened yesterday. So here we go...

To the guy in the "anti-Ramone" at the stoplight. (FYI-Ramone is the name of my car. Black exterior, black interior. The 'anti-Ramone'? Same make and model--White Exterior, tan interior). Right, to the guy in the anti-Ramone last night, don't honk at me, blow a kiss and wave. That's just insincere. If you want to say something roll down the window and get my number.

I know, I know, I'm great and my car is the hottness. Then again... because I looked back, twice, you probably figured you were great and that your car was the hottness. I'll admit, you did look good, but come on! Am I supposed to roll down my window and talk to you at what turned out to be a relatively short light? Am I supposed to go out of my way and not get on the highway to talk to you at the next light? Right. Didn't think so.

So, to the hot guy in the anti-Ramone, next time you see me, instead of blowing meaningless kisses and insincere waves, roll down the window and get my number. Geez! It's almost the weekend, we could have done something...

UNC 44, Rutgers 12

2008-09-12T08:44:00.003-05:00

This was no Appalachian State over Michigan... but considering we hadn't won outside the state since I finished college (2002), this was kind of a big deal.

Oh, and to the Rutgers kid caught flipping off the ESPN camera... I'm sure your mom is beaming with pride. The loyal female fan cheering beside you is undoubtedly a much better representative of your school, but no. You, class-less Rutgers fan, shamed your university on national television... and the blogosphere thanks you for it.

Can't say what this means for the rest of the Tar Heels' season, but for now...

GO HEELS!!!

Kick, Push

2008-09-10T08:17:00.004-05:00

No, I'm not referring to that truly awesome song by one, Lupe Fiasco. I'm talking about the kick you give people to make progress and the push they give you for making them do something they didn't want to do.

I'm full of bad suggestions but I certainly never thought I'd be the kind of person who routinely thinks about things that have already happened. If I take one more minute thinking "did I do the right thing?" or "was that too much?" or "what the crap, man?! why's it got to be such a big deal?" I might just scream.

I try to respect people's requests, but if they seem like self-reinforcing negative behaviors, I can't be a part of that. Now, I'm not so bad as some of my friends, making everyone they know a "project," but I do refuse to be treated "like everyone else" simply because that's easier. If that takes "providing a lesson" so be it.

I'm not like "everyone else." Shoot, everyone else isn't like everyone else. Chances are we've all gotten to a point where there are common characteristics to our friends. For me, I can safely say all of my friends are considerate, interesting, fun individuals. They, individually, are each of these things in different ways. Beyond that, they are all unique and bring something different to the friendship table.

So, I don't treat my friends the same. Whether we're friends individually or through a group, my association with each of them is as unique as they are. That might be why I am so against the reality that I may be treated in a particular way because of my friend's association with someone else. What?!? Seriously?! To me that falls somewhere close to me being put on punishment for something my sister did that I didn't even know she did. As in, that just doesn't make sense.

Yesterday I felt like I was being unwillingly placed into one of those types of situations. So I kicked and forced the issue out into the open. I wanted to make it a conversation instead of an issue. I kicked my friend out of their comfort zone and I walked out of mine to meet in a neutral place of mutual exchange. What I got in return was an unbiased, if not guarded, truth. Much appreciated for the trust it commanded. However, not everyone is used to the kind of truth I demand from my friends. I am the greatest friend in confidence and once you have it, my friendship is guaranteed. Your actions speak louder than words. So, if they conflict, I seek truth and resolution. That's what I was looking for yesterday. While I believe we achieved a much better level of understanding through that conversation, I got pushed back.

This is to be expected. Even I am guilty of retreating back to my "safe place" after stepping out of my comfort zone, just to check and make sure I'm ok. While I am almost certain I am making a big deal out of nothing, if going through that exercise made it clear that I am me and no one else, that I cannot be held responsible for the actions of others, and that there is a freedom in the concept of "the individual," then I am okay with being pushed back.

The palms of my hands may be burned from the fall, but I got back up. Now I'm looking around to see where my friend went. I hope they didn't turn and walk away...

My life is not a tragedy...

2008-09-02T09:25:00.002-05:00

but my doesn't it feel that way some of the time.

Certainly I am not in the habit of thinking great things will happen after a holiday weekend. As a matter of fact, my history would seem to suggest that immediately after any long weekend or holiday I should just stay in the house for a week. Consider the following:

1. 1 week after classes broke for winter break I attend a friends wedding. What should have been a light dusting of snow turned out to be "blizzard-like conditions with 4-6 inches of snow." With performance tires all that means was a slide on the ice and a busted rear wheel well.

Consider also...
2. Three graduations in a 3 weeks time span. Lots of travel, lots of fun? Let's try 1 missed flight, 2 speeding tickets, a broken heel, and... oh yeah, a migraine.

So why then was I expecting this seemingly "harmless" Labor Day weekend to be any different? Because it was well on it's way to being halfway decent. Dinner on Friday, visited my sister on Saturday, did some boss shopping, hung out with friends, shopping with my other sister on Sunday, awesome cookout that night... and then there was the other half of Sunday... Phone call to my dad says his cousin who's had two strokes is unconscious and back in the hospital... Well, that's 3000 miles away, what could we do? So, cookout it is. Then Monday, got the water softener installed (sweet), but another cousin has a seizure (sigh...).

Which brings me to today. Getting car fixed (mixed emotions about that one) but a frantic call from my cousin's mother. The ER doc wants him to come to the hospital here, his regular doctor wants him to stay there. What can I do? I got the appointment the ER doctor wanted... and then had to cancel it. *SIGH* When will people learn?! I can do anything you ask me, but please understand that you have to live up to your word ("I need an appointment") just as I have to live up to mine ("I'll make some calls and see what I can do").

I give up. So like I said, my life is not a tragedy. As a matter of fact it is quite good, but some of the time, I just do not know. For every good thing that happens, just for balance I suppose, something not so great is going to happen. And just as I think things are going to work out, I am not surprised when they don't or something even less appealing happens.

Here's hoping this language class goes well, and without a hitch, this week.

Make it a great one!

Taxes

2008-08-26T09:32:00.000-05:00

Can someone explain why my government needs 30% of my earnings? We have differing priorities and I don't think they appreciate my position. Granted, I'm not REALLY looking to take up permanent residence anywhere else, but still... 30% and they can't do better than what they're doing?! I vote and I STILL feel cheated...

Graduated

2008-08-26T09:31:00.001-05:00

If you've heard me complain about graduate school I write here today to let the "masses" know, I am Ph-inishe-D!! That's a PhD to you :-)

As for that party... trust, it's in the works. If you're a friend, I'll keep you posted.

Tuesday

2008-06-24T14:06:00.002-05:00

That's all.
It's Tuesday again.
While that probably means nothing to you, it is yet another sign of my astounding ability to waste time.
Beat that!

10 things...

2008-06-13T13:48:00.003-05:00

Because it's Friday. And my hand hurts from writing (yes I still use those things called pencils and paper). I figured I'd share 10 easy-going songs that are perfect (to me) on those easy summer days. AND I'm not even going to repeat artists!
In no particular order...

1. "You will rise"- Sweetback ft. Amel Larrieux
2. "Get to know you"- Maxwell
3. "Angel"- Anita Baker
4. "The Way"- Jill Scott
5. "(Back in the Day) Puff"- Erykah Badu
6. "No Ordinary Love"- Sade
7. "Simplified"- Maria
8. "Sourire"- Les Nubians
9. "Believe"- Raheem DeVaughn
10. "The Blast"- Reflection Eternal (Talib Kweli and DJ Hi Tek)

Wow... I left a TON of songs off this list (obviously), but this is the quick 10 that come up.
Til the next...

"Obituary of Common Sense"

2008-05-27T10:17:00.004-05:00

My sister pulled this from the blogpost I linked to. I feel like there's a lot more things that could be added to this. Enjoy and be sure to talk about the untold battles lost by our friend Common Sense.

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:

Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
Why the early bird gets the worm;
Life isn't always fair;
and Maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 -year- old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Tylenol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. It's been a while, but if you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

Yes I care about lacrosse....

2008-05-24T21:00:00.000-05:00

http://sports.espn.go.com/ncaa/news/story?id=3410969

Ahem. Go Hopkins!

Why I DO have "friends"

2008-05-18T20:15:00.003-05:00

I'm referring to those people that fall under the "there are no words to describe" category of friends. My reasons are simple (so I think) and they tend to surface after I've visited with these friends.

1. They are inspiring.--Hopefully you have these kinds of friends as well. My friends are incredibly intelligent, full of ideas, and change-makers. They are the kind of greatness I aspire to. Have you ever been around people that are just so creative and self-motivated that things just get done? Lots of my friends are like this and there's such a positive energy around them.

2. They are fun.--If you've read a little around here you know I'm kind of on the boring side. Slightly random, but obviously boring. Whether we're sitting around watching movies I haven't seen (I guess it's fun having a friends who's NEVER seen any of the movies that have come out in the past year) or dragging me out to a hand dance social (and then watching me not dance) is fun.

3. It's timeless.--I rarely see the majority of my friends, but it doesn't matter how many years have passed there's common ground. I get a little scared sometimes that as life changes you loose that connection. I have friends who are married and have kids; they're a little difficult to bridge the gap with. I spend a lot of time learning and understanding. I get the opportunity to learn and see how they grow in those life-long type of relationships. My friends are in all kinds of careers. I get the opportunity to learn about those and my friends teach me a great deal. This goes back to my friends being inspiring. We're all really smart and always learning. That is green light to talk about anything.

This is where trying to describe my friends goes without words. They're just great people. It gives you hope that something good could always happen.

I got to see a lot of friends I haven't seen in a LONG time this past weekend and I am SO glad I didn't bail on the trip.

Here are some interesting thoughts...

I don't think anything I do is all that interesting or amazing but that's exactly how I see my friends... "Have no friends not equal to yourself." ~Confucius

I prefer not to talk about myself or what I do, maybe because I'm not yet where I'm trying to be and I have yet to learn how to enjoy where I am. I spend most of my random time talking to strangers... "You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people that you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you." ~Dale Carnegie

Good things should happen to good people. I count my friends among these people... "Nothing changes your opinion of a friend so surely as success--yours or his." ~Franklin P. Jones Saturday Evening Post, November 29, 1953

I tend to confuse a lot of people... "When the character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends." ~Japanese Proverb

Many of my friends have open door policies... "The ornament of a house is the friends who frequent it. " ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

At the end of the day I'm just thankful to have had the opportunity to meet the people I've met, become friends with many and hopefully not offended the others, though... "I no doubt deserved my enemies, but I don't believe I deserved my friends." ~Walt Whitman

and if that's not good enough... I think this last one sums up quite nicely my thoughts about my friends...

"Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend." ~Unknown

Such a great weekend! Love you all!!!

Why I don't have "friends"

2008-05-14T13:33:00.002-05:00

I'm referring to those people that fall under the "Cheers" or "A Different World" category of friends. My reasons are simple (so I think) and they tend to surface when I've made a decision for myself and these individuals decide that I am making a bad decision.

1. It's not your decision.-- Lest I remind everyone (including my parents) that when you decide to provide your two cents I never asked for it. Rarely do I ask for any one's opinion on something serious. My typical inquires have to deal with the inconsequential mundane "what am I having for dinner" types of inquiries. Not the "why can't I focus on writing this dissertation"-type of question. Because really, it doesn't matter what you think, it'll wind up being me doing the work in the end.

2. I've got nothing but time.--Last I checked I didn't HAVE to do anything. So, in keeping that in mind, provided I'm not bothering you (and I assure you in my presence or absence you won't know I'm there) then it shouldn't matter to you how I spend my time.

The last thing I can think of now is particular to a few comments that I have heard recently...

3. Who are you to tell me I don't want to learn/Am afraid to graduate/Am not committed?--You've got some nerve. I learn. I want to learn. I am learning all the time. But do I know everything? No. Will I understand everything? No. Can I think the way you want me to think if I don't understand what it is you are trying to have me learn? Not likely. So for you to say I don't want to learn is an incredibly audacious, presumptive, and incorrect assessment of my mental state.
Believe me, I want to graduate. I need to graduate. Otherwise, this exercise in validating a degree that as it turns out didn't need to be validated was a complete waste of my time and an official hindrance to whatever future I might have had. I like to think of myself as a great miscarriage of educational opportunities. I would say I've been on the wrong educational path since I was 14. Having realized this just a couple of years ago, don't you THINK I want to be rid of the mistakes that I have made and be allowed to move on? If I can do that and maintain my mental clarity (which is foggy at best these days) don't you think that I would. And if that's not commitment, I don't know what is.
How many people do you know go day in and day out to a job they hate because they need to. They have obligations (typically to other people). They don't have choices. I have a choice. I can leave now and call my educational life to this point a waste. It is. I won't because I know the opportunities finishing will afford me. But will I like this process? Not likely. I will try and refrain from bringing everyone else I know down with my misery, but so long as you have the inclination to reign commentary on how I manage my misery consider yourself removed. We're done. What you call "encouraging" or "frustrating" I call out of line. I'd rather you told me to shut up and deal than pander your disappointment on me.

10 quick things...

2008-04-21T13:52:00.002-05:00

10. I really don't have the time to be doing this
9. I don't understand why people can't figure out when too much perfume/cologne has been applied
8. I prefer button-down shirts to all other varieties.
7. I don't like the shoes options available to me in my current locale.
6. I am tired of having to figure out "What's for [insert meal here]?"
5. Yes, there is a song in my head.
4. No, I'm not okay with any of that.
3. I don't feel as small/short/tiny as I apparently am.
2. My attempts to look more "put together" is my way of getting ready for the real world...
1. So stop staring!!!

Don't think, just go

2008-04-15T13:02:00.002-05:00

I haven't taken the time I need to get over some things that have happened. That makes me completely inefficient in everything else that I decide to do. However, one thing that I have decided to adopt is being a lot freer with my time. Kind of like lotion, apply liberally and let absorb. I give people and things as much time as they need, and if it's too much I let it absorb.

I really like how that works.

So when I was asked to come to an event just a couple of hours before it was supposed to happen I slipped into my old ways. I was comfortable at home and getting ready to watch a baseball game after I'd missed all the ones I had wanted to watch previously that weekend. But after a brief survey of the friends (thanks "braintrust") they told me to go.

I am really glad I went.

You know those events about writers where there's usually a dramatization of their work, a lecture, or some other blah blah recognition of the relevance of their work? Well this, pleasantly, was NOT one of those events. Using correspondence, meeting, notes and the words of the authors own daughter, a cast of readers and two musicians showed how much of the man was in his work. If I was ever to see another such appreciation of an author I would hope this style would be used.

I am so glad I was told about this event.

You might not have people in your circle that encourage you to try things outside of your comfort zone, but I am certainly glad I do. (Then again, anything that isn't at my house it outside of my comfort zone). But since I left my college friends it has been fairly difficult for me to do anything because I have been so disappointed by many of the things I do attend. However, after this and another event I attended recently, the person that's invited me may have just become a source of really great ideas. Also, knowing people that are interested in these kinds of things (literary reviews, dance performances, summer shows, etc.) means that I don't have to travel over the vastness of this nation in order to have people to hang out with.

I am excited about this possibility.

A thought on Easter

2008-03-23T22:44:00.004-05:00

"There's God, he's my buddy, but we don't call each other much"

Someone I know sums up their religious views that way. It might make them agnostic by conventional standards, but really, they're more religiously aware than most. I just thought that was a profound comment.

They know that all they do probably isn't right, but at the end of the day, they're not hurting anyone. Certainly not knowingly so. But isn't it hard not to "fall in line" when everyone around you is waving the heavy had of their faith in your face? I have to give this individual kudos for being willing to say, "here's what I think" fully knowing that so many (and many more each day) think otherwise.

So on this Easter I say, how amazing this thing called life is. March of the Penguins is in the background and there was an interesting scene. In the middle of the brutal cold the old fall victim and eventually some will just "lay down, only to disappear." For so many, faith gives us the security that we will not disappear. Ceremony leaves us with the comfort, that for at least that moment, others will remember us. Individually, most hope that we will leave our mark on others, that in their actions there may be a little bit of us. But how selfish is this? That it is not sufficient to have been here, to do what it is that we did, but that we feel the need to live on.

Easter, the resurrection, tells the story of how the Savior of a people provides them with a route to be saved. The Savior lives on. So why then is it so important for so many of us to feel the need to do the same? Certainly we are not on that same level. Why then to we not take solace in the fact that we were here, played a role, and in due time disappear.

A lot has happened here recently and as I find the freedom in letting go of wanting to control how people "remember" me, I am finding a new place. In this place, it is a question of actions and "a life well lived" that leads me to reevaluate what I do. I may not be able to control (and honestly should not worry about controlling) what other people make of my time, but my oh my don't the masses think they have the right to "evaluate" that which has already been done. For what purpose? To say it was good, to say it did not live up to expectations, to say it was different from what was expected? So what? All, none, or some of what is in my story may change, help, or hurt what someone else has planned, but you know what? That has nothing to do with me.

At the end of the day, most of it won't matter. Besides, it's not as if those folks have called me. I know what I'm doing and for the most part I know what I did. The rest is up to what I decide to change and that it all up to me to decide. I have certainly been changed by those I see around me, but I won't place the burden of my choices on their example.

Just a thought.

Dear Friend, Goodbye.

2008-03-06T20:50:00.004-05:00

"Our care should not be to have lived long as to have lived enough." Seneca

May she rest in eternal peace. *EMC*
Tristeza, camará

No Random Thought/Plenty of Madness

2008-03-01T21:25:00.003-05:00

I don't have any random thought this weekend. The thoughts are all quite focused. Write your dissertation. Make the figures for your dissertation. Quit goofing off. That sort of thing...

but above all...

Say hello to MARCH MADNESS!!!

These next few weeks by far have to be my favorite time of year. (And I'm sure I've mentioned this before--March 14th). If the arrival of March isn't enough to get you pumped, just think about 2 happenings today in the ACC:
1) Duke wins by ONE (1) in a game they probably should have lost to NC State.
2) T. Rice of Boston College puts up 40+ on UNC on BC's way to a 90-80 loss.
Sick.

Oh and did I mention Ty Lawson made an appearance in today's game? Right. Gotta get some quality practice in before the Duke game and ACC tournament. There's a #1 seed to get. (And I'll be quite confused if some other team gets the #1 over UNC).

There's plenty of comments all over the web about today's games and the upcoming UNC-Duke game, so I'll save my two cents. I'll just say, yet again, hello to the days of taking an 'extended lunch' to catch the 1pm games, calling it an early day to watch the 4pm game, going to dinner early to have a good seat for the 6pm game, getting home early for the 8pm game and flipping channels for the 9pm game... and if there's a game worth watching out west (PAC-10 has GOTTA DO BETTA!) you'll forego sleep for the 10pm game.

Are you ready? Because I certainly am!

Truly it's "the most wonderful time.... OF THE YEAR!!!"

I might have found employment... well not right away...

2008-02-21T13:18:00.003-05:00

Well here's some exciting news! I might have figured out what I want to do with my life.
Though it wouldn't surprise the readers of this here blog, it actually involves the government. I know, for all the complaining I do, the casual fan might have never thought. But for those who know, I take very seriously the duty of voting and therefore readily use my ability to criticize those for whom I voted (or those whom my candidate lost to). I participated in the process, might not like the results, but just the same and share my two cents, because well... I participated. Think of it like going to a sporting event and just watching the game cheering for both or neither side because well, you're not the coach, you're not a player, not a trainer, and if you're me, you didn't even buy a ticket so yeah, enjoy the ride. But if I bought my ticket, trust, you'll hear me.

But back to the employment. I actually made a decision. Committed to a process, and hopefully at the end of it I'll be employed. Wow. If not, I'll be back in school. I'm not sure other labs (most labs anyway) are ready for my brand of crazy.

I'll miss this whole grad school thing though. I make my own schedule. So long as the work gets done it doesn't matter when I'm there or if I'm there. That's great! Hmmm, speaking of which, I need to be doing work now. HA! Let me quit messing with this blog and get this stuff done.

The Attached

2008-02-18T16:39:00.002-05:00

Ok, this isn't new. This isn't even your problem. It has been made PERFECTLY clear to me that this is my problem and I just need to "deal" with it. I'll give you my thoughts on that in a second, but first, the attached.

Easily, 90% of the people I deal with, am around, or otherwise come in contact with are in some type of "committed" relationship. Seriously dating, married, separated, moved-in, whatever. Why is that all you talk about? I swear, I'd much rather hear about your knitting, Sunday teas, or adventures with laundry than have to sit thorugh a "you'll never guess what [insert significant other's name here] did!?" Oh no, I can guess, and you know what, I don't care. I have resorted to making up my own non-existant drama to avoid hearing these stories. I am hoping by hearing the crap I make up that these folks might hear what they sound like. In reality that isn't what happens. These folks hear "oh, she understands!" No. I don't understand. And you totally missed the point.

My mom says to check and make sure I'm not jealous because that runs in the family apparently. Let's see, I don't want a house. Check. Not jealous there. I'm not interested in being that responsible. The second you have a permanent address is the same second you have to worry about things like "who's going to be at home for the cable guy? is the grass mowed? who's at home for the plumber? gutter cleaner? window repairman? [insert your favorite house related question here]." As a matter of fact, I'll point to a post a friend of mine made. She and her husband were having this big neighborhood to-do about their street and how it still hasn't been repaved and yet their county/city taxes have gone up. Yeah... I spent the better part of my life on a road that had to band together after hurricanes and ice storms to clear the road so the power, cable, telephone, etc. people could return you life to you. Not really interested in being bothered.

Perhaps I'm secretly in need of a companion? Um, not really. Sure, having people to call up to go places is nice, but I've never not done something because I'd have to go by myself. NCAA tournament by myself? Check. Movies alone? Yup. Dinner on the town? All the time! Concerts? Well, not concerts... large groups kind of scare me and I'm not very patient, if they don't start on time I get pissed. I've gone to galas alone. Taken road trips solo. Heck, I LOVE traveling by myself. Sure, meeting friends on the other side of a plane ride is fun, that's usually why I go, but it's not required. You meet people everywhere. And you never know, next time you're in the airport or train station you might see those "strangers" again. Life sponsor perhaps, companion, not necessary.

Maybe I'm just lying to myself? Could be, but it doesn't bother me. What bothers me is that with the group of friends I have right now, I am loosing whatever we might have had in common. Friendships are supposed to grow and change and I guess I'm not very interested in how many of these friendships are changing. I like visiting my friends. I'm not so keen on having to plan ahead, check once, check twice, check thrice after we've made plans. I guess stuff comes up, but it's not like we live down the street from one another (which by the way doesn't mean a whole lot since many of my friends live close to one another, but speak/get together once every 4 months). If a plan gets made let's just stick with that, or better yet, since you know me, we'll make plans if/when I show up. If you're busy, that's fine, guess I missed you this time. If not, cool, we'll figure out something to do when I get there.

My favorite pharse about my self, "You'll know if I'm coming when I get there."

Then it gets to a point where I'm the only one moving. I'm always going to wherever the friend is. Which is fine. I'm a crappy hostess, not very keen on having other folks "in my space." But it does wear at you after a while.

So maybe that's my problem. I actually WANT people to come over. No. No, that's not it. I really don't like other folks in my space. Wasn't too keen on it in college. My apartment was the coolest place cuz I very rarely had visitors. Well, what is it then?

Maybe, just MAYBE, I'm a prude, a jerk, and an anti-social loner. There ya go. Now can we please not talk about your signifcant other? Cuz I swear you used to have hobbies. Promise.

Random Thoughts

2008-02-17T21:18:00.002-05:00

I had a few random thoughts this weekend. I even shared one with my friends on Friday, but I don't feel like sorting through my text messages to find the one I sent on Friday to post it here.

Now it is Sunday. One of my favorite movies is on tonight. "A River Runs Through It" is on Turner Classic Movies. TCM shows a lot of movies I like. I can't name any of the others right now, but maybe if I feel like it I'll watch the one that's on tonight.

I might have done an okay amount of work this weekend. At least I would hope that I did. I can't be in school much longer. It's too depressing. By and large school has been a disappointing prospect for me. I imagine in another life, I wouldn't have done a lot of the "school" things I've done. They're just not that fun.

Boredom follows me around like it's going out of style. All I want to do is gradaute, therefore all I do is school work. Sleep. Eat. Do work. I do my fair share of goofing off. i just wish I were done with school is all. Just wish I was done.

Then I suppose is the whole prospect of what to do after school is even less appealing...

My friends are pretty interesting. I don't really have the time to keep up with them...

I don't know... it's all just such a drag. My happy thought from last week (Yeah Uno! Best in Show!!!) hasn't lasted to this week. This is a tragic misfortune because I don't not foresee anything positive, fun, and interesting happening to give me something to be upbeat about.

Maybe I'll find a new picture for my computer wall paper... maybe a landscape painting or something...

Skylights

2008-02-10T11:15:00.000-05:00

This morning I went to open the blinds over the skylights. The sun was bright and in just the right place to create the "sun spot" that my dog likes to sleep in. Opening the blinds reminded me of these two guys I went to high school with. One was two years older than me and in my sister's class and his brother was in my class.

On day on an especially gray, rainy day I was standing with my sister and her friends in the hall near the end of lunch and my classmate walked by. His brother was in my sister's English class and they wondered why he wasn't in class that day. I asked my classmate and he said he didn't know where his brother was.

The next day, one of my sister's friends, holding back her laughter said she knew where my classmate's brother was the previous day. As it turned out, he didn't use an alarm clock and instead slept under a skylight. On days when the sun doesn't shine he wakes up late, if at all.

So on this bright morning I thought of those classmates and had a laugh. My sister's classmate missed so many days that year and his brother hardly any. If I remember correctly they moved to Alaska after that year. Gosh, I wonder how the older brother managed going to school there...

Me and My Government

2008-02-09T19:19:00.000-05:00

Around this time of year I get the distinct pleasure of being shafted by my government. That's right folks, taxes. Because I don't own anything in this craptastic nation I do not "qualify" for any of the "perks" of deductions. Like I really want to own a house and be burdened with the maintenance, homeowner's fees, random ass local taxes and such associated with "owning a piece of America." Please. Don't flatter yourself.

Granted, there aren't too many places in the world worth living so sucky taxes are the least thing I should care about. Whatever. I don't see myself getting a whole lot in return for these taxes. My road isn't paved, I don't have municipal water or sewar service, and the last time I checked my grants weren't being funded. So what do I have to give to my government? A heaping helping dose of "up yours" if you're the ones paying me then why not keep the money yourselves. It's not like I'm buying American products anyway.

Do they even think about my disgust when I go to contribute money TO my nation's economy only to find that everything I buy was made, manufactured, packaged, assembled, etc. IN SOME OTHER COUNTRY? So who am I really helping by paying my taxes? Do we even realize that over a THIRD of our annual budget goes to so-called "aid" for other countries? What the crap are they doing with that money?! Because if Anderson Cooper and Sanjay Gupta are telling me the truth, they're killing people, letting people starve, and basically living in squalor. I don't see that as a good use of my money.

Elected officials are frauds. Our tax code punishes the poor. I'm a spoiled brat. And you know what? I don't care. I'll pay my taxes. I'll complain about it the whole way. And I'm still not buying anything American. And you know why?! I've given all I can, short my life, to this country and it hasn't done a flippin thing for me.

One.

One more Random thought...

2008-02-08T18:04:00.000-05:00

February 7 ,2008
Random thought for the weekend:
Don't leave crazy relatives in charge. All of my other thoughts are occupied. Nothing random today.

Not so 'Super' Bowl?? I don't get it...

2008-02-04T20:04:00.000-05:00

I'm confused...
What I clearly missed at the end of the Super Bowl was this "blatant display of unsportsman like conduct" on part of the Patriots.

First let me say, I coulda cared less about this game. I like football so that was enough for me. The nation got cheated by having two teams spitting distance away from each other blow into "foreign" territory 3/4 of the way across the country to play the Super Bowl, but whatever.

I watched the whole game, I watched the clock tick to ":00" and I watched both coaches and the game official meet on field, exchange a handshake and some words and as they parted ways and were half way to the tunnel the clock goes ":01" on my screen. What the deuce?! I mean TV cameras are on the field, reporters and the like, and both teams didn't seem to realize (until the game official takes a second) that there was still time on the clock. It looked like to me that the three of them didn't know what was going on. And if, as it appeared to me, everyone thought the clock was at ":00" that somebody STOP the running across the field before BOTH coaches go out there.

Did the Pats coach run all the way across the field and say "whatever man, I'm out?" If he knew there was a second on the clock, then he's whack for running out there. But the Giants coach ran out there too! If YOU knew there was time still on the clock are YOU going to run out and meet the guy you're about to beat? NO!! You wait for him to come all the way across the field, point to the clock and say "Dude we got another second, get ya boys on the field." BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT HAPPENED!! Two coaches AND AN OFFICIAL!!! met in the middle of the field.

If you don't like the Pats coach, fine. Whatever. The gray sweatshirt is gettin' old with me too. But if you're going to lambast him as a poor sport, I got two more fingers point at the other coach and the official that followed along! Like Ma said, if everyone jumps off a building are you going to jump too? Nope. Didn't think so.

My take. At the end of the day, the official probably didn't know what was going on. In which case they all get dummy shots on that one. The Giants won. Big whoop. Their parade is on SUPER TUESDAY in a VOTING state. I have HUGE!!!!! problems with that. Working folks from 3 or 4 states (or more!!!) will decide to go to that stinking parade instead of voting. YOU KNOW this will happen, and THAT is way, people should NOT be trusted to make thier own decisions. Geez!

Random thought for the weekend:

2008-02-02T17:35:00.000-05:00

if it isn't one thing, it's another...

February 1, 2008
Accordining to new study, if you're 70 and physically fit, you're likely to be as happy and mentally healthy as a 20-year-old.

...
So, with this new piece of knowledge, "Congratulations!" go out to my friend who ran a half-marathon on Saturday in 1:49:12. I'd need something a little bit more than determination to get me to run 13.1 miles. My hat's off to him.

10 for 10

2008-01-28T16:53:00.000-05:00

My sister "tagged" me to do this, because obviously I am easily distracted and get bored with the InterWeb quite easily. So here it is, 10 for 10... that is 10 very random "facts" about me that all 3 of you might be interested in.

10. I can't dye my hair. Not even bleach takes, now THAT'S "good" hair.
9. I can't dance, (but I've got a mean swing-step).
8. As a point of clarification, I prefer pasta to rice.
7. Raw chicken makes me ill.
6. If I could I would put onion in everything.
5. I prefer all manner of post-its to any other type of paper.
4. Sunsets give me headaches.
3. I am a middle-child, Libra (and I take that VERY seriously).
2. People scare me, (all people, zero exceptions. Sorry that means you too).
1. I have every card that has ever been sent to me.

Hmm... that only took 10 minutes. Well that was lame. I have HOURS to make disappear. Bah!
I guess I'll be back posting later.

An endorsement for THIS moment in time

2008-01-28T14:12:00.000-05:00

The best part from Ted Kennedy's endorsement:

"Kennedy refers only sparingly to his assassinated brothers, John and Robert, in his public remarks, and his endorsement of Obama was cast in terms that aides said was unusually personal.

"There was another time, when another young candidate was running for president and challenging America to cross a new frontier. He faced criticism from the preceding Democratic president, who was widely respected in the party," Kennedy said, referring to Harry S. Truman.

"And John Kennedy replied, 'The world is changing. The old ways will not do. ... It is time for a new generation of leadership.

"So it is with Barack Obama," he added.

The best part from Caroline Kennedy's endorsement:

"Sometimes it takes a while to recognize that someone has a special ability to get us to believe in ourselves, to tie that belief to our highest ideals and imagine that together we can do great things. In those rare moments, when such a person comes along, we need to put aside our plans and reach for what we know is possible.

"We have that kind of opportunity with Senator Obama. It isn’t that the other candidates are not experienced or knowledgeable. But this year, that may not be enough. We need a change in the leadership of this country — just as we did in 1960."

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At the end of the day I'll vote for who I want when it's my turn (NC Primaries, May 6th) and I know you will do the same when it's your state's turn. But, regardless of my own opinions, there is something to be said of the words from the daughter (and many other family members) of a man and his brother, who's ideas and untimely deaths, defined a generation.

I wake up everyday intent on making it better than the last. At the end of the day, it would be nice if the folks in charge felt and dealt the same way. This will likely be a very long 10 months and some days. This election is making front page news in France, Brazil, and the world over so I'm glad to say I'm paying attention.

In case your friends need to know when the primaries in their state will happen feel free to pass along:
Democratic Primary Calendar: http://politics.nytimes.com/election-guide/2008/primaries/democraticprimaries/index.html
Republic Primary Calendar: http://politics.nytimes.com/election-guide/2008/primaries
/republicanprimaries/index.html

Happy Voting! Democrat, Republican, Independent, or otherwise...

Old Friends

2008-01-25T18:46:00.000-05:00

Back in September I ran into a friend of mine from middle/high school. We hadn't seen each other in over 10 years, but neither of us had aged (that much). It took until yesterday, but we finally manged to merge schedules and sit down for lunch.

I'd almost forgotten how much we had in common. Our histories are very similar. More than that though, the differences in our experiences have still managed to put us in a familiar place. We are one of few amongst our friends. Neither of us are married, though many of our friends are. Neither of us has kids, though again, many of our friends do. She's reconnected with her family and I moved back home for school to do the same. We're both still in school. She recently decided on her next step and I recently committed to an option.

It's been good to see that even with the passage of time, if you had true common ground with someone, no matter the time that passes, that ground is still there. Even if she had been married with kids, I think that common ground would have still been there. My experiences with other friends has taught me how to still be a friend when life takes you down different paths.

Having been separated by a good distance from many of my friends for a while now, I'd forgotten how many people I'd lost touch with by virtue of time. I have three or four friends from childhood I talk to every so often. Through them I am able to keep track of a few more. From those middle school and high school years however, this friend from lunch is the only one I've managed to reconnect or keep in contact with. That's interesting. The first 16 years of my life distilled down to four people that I will continue to be in contact with.

College had left me with a much larger network, a very diverse network. I've some good friends from college and I've some great friends from college. It's been hard keeping in touch. You try to "find your place" when lives diverge without letting too much time pass between communications. I've missed a lot with these friends. Certainly not "in the loop" anymore. Then again, maybe I don't want to be, that's a lot of information. But I do like to know the big things: marriages, moving, children, etc.

Grad school has been interesting. There are a lot of associates here. Some good friends, too. It will be interesting to see what happens with time.

Then there's all those associates and friends outside of school completely. It never ceases to amaze me how multi-faceted people are. If I look at my group of "friends" to say nothing of associates and passing acquaintances, I could truly appear to be a walking contradiction. Indeed an enigma wrapped in a paradox.

So Friday was a good day. It was a great day actually. Even with a gap of time between us, lunch with my friend calibrated me. I've been more motivated today than I've been in a long time. I'd even venture to say, optimistic. I am encouraged by the options and the freedom to choose among those options. To her I say 'Thanks!' I hope I never stop learning from my friends, no matter where in space or time they may be.

Old friends are great. Even if you don't have a "best" friend at any point, any friend could possibly fill that role. It encourages you to always be the best friend you can be. That even if you get lonely and are out of sorts those old friends are a familiar place to visit. The growth you see in them is a window into your own growth.

Then again, at the end of the day, old friends are just fun! They knew you "when." When you passed notes in the hall. When you were the "top of the school." When you just as quickly became "small fish" again. When you learned to drive. When you started having to think of life beyond the bell schedule, "free" periods, and off-campus lunch. Old friends knew you before you figured out who you were (if you ever figured it out).

I a grateful for old friends and I am blessed to have "found" another on Friday.

The Real Random Thought for The Weekend

2008-01-25T18:28:00.002-05:00

January 24, 2008

My phone is on life support (only works when plugged in) and all the phones on the market are whack. Guess I'll be writing solo.

Random thought for the weekend

2008-01-25T18:28:00.001-05:00

January 24, 2008

I know the black community and the world is a small place, but we can't all be Snoop's nephew. Church!

For Real

2008-01-15T11:39:00.000-05:00

Do you know the song "For Real" off Amel Larrieux's album "Bravebird"? I have a very strange association of this song to taking a very cold ride on the El in the near winter in Chicago. I had just gotten off the plane and was riding in town. I am pretty sure I spent the entire plane ride listening to the song and once on the train there was a young man, just a few years younger than me, listening to the song on repeat on his CD player. I really didn't think anything of it because I had just done the same thing, but I shortly became concerned because I could hear the song clear as day from where I was sitting, so I leaned over and said "that song is infectious, isn't it?" He seemed kind of shocked by my comment and turned the song down. He took off his headset and we had a chat during the last 5 minutes of my time on the train. Turns out he was an engineering student at one of the schools there and we had actually attended a workshop together at a conference. Not unlike so many other experiences you know the world is a small place. I guess you're just never anticipating that you'll run into people you have an obscure connection or common experience with.

A lot of songs have weird associations like that for me. Jill Scott's "Golden", Groove Theory's "Angel", come to mind since I've heard them this morning. Speaking of morning (which is nearly over) I have a ton of work to do... hmmm I wonder if there are any reports from Macworld yet?...

I lost 10 days somewhere...

2008-01-11T17:29:00.000-05:00

Can I just say I don't know where the first 10 days of this year went. That's not good. I have too many deadlines this year to be "missing" days.
------------
January 11, 2008

Random thought for the weekend
I think I found where the Internet ends. Shows you Shel Silverstein!

------------
If you have as many peculiar habits as I do, are slightly superstitious, or are into astrology you might have stumbled across Astrology: on the Web! who told me today:
Fri Jan 11: Mind And Body
"You have assertive mental energy backing up a personality that wears its heart on its sleeve today for the entire world to see. Whatever your opinions are, you will express them with strength and conviction. Empowering colours are lime and silver. Lucky numbers are 35 and 57."

Hmm, not sure what to make of this one. I said all of 2 words today, but I am an emotional mess. Neither of these occurrences is out of the ordinary, so I'm not seeing the big deal.

------------
Today there is a birthday party and a mixer at which my presence has been requested. I'd like to go to the mixer, but the birthday party is for a good friend. I'll go to the party but the crowd at the party is really going to get on my nerves. I'll be too tired and/or pissed off to go to the mixer at that point, so I'll put on my 'happy face' for my friend because they are such a good sport on my birthday and always bring the energy, so I'll make sure I'm on my best behavior and have fun. (sigh. fun. boo.)

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Oh yeah, did I mention I'm still behind on my work? Geez!!

1st Random Thought of 2008

2008-01-05T10:10:00.000-05:00

January 4, 2008

If I wasn't writing my dissertation one of you would have to talk with me about all that's in the news... Happy almost Saturday.

------------
Now, there are a great many of you out there (well not really, maybe 4 people read this blog) who realize I have zero time. Actually, I really should be typing this post right now, but I'll take a few seconds to share the top 10 things I would rather be talking to my friends about instead of doing the work I am currently doing...

10 Finding post-doctoral funding
9 The very attractive random people I see
8 What my friends have been up to
7 Some wicked travel plans
6 The next great idea
5 How to follow through on the next great idea
4 The possibility of an Obama v Huckabee election
3 The problems with an Obama v Huckabee election
2 The activities in the wake of Benazir Bhutto's murder
1 Bloomberg's call for an end to partisan politics (and possibly candidacy, woo hoo!)

But yeah, I'm stuck in the lab, library, or office typing, writing, and finishing up some last experiments so I can kiss this great state goodbye and hop the first thing smokin' to some place I've never been. So how about that...

Welcome to 2008.

New Year's Traditions?

2007-12-31T13:28:00.000-05:00

Being a born and bred southerner I've got traditions and superstitions for days. None of these are bigger than the ones that surround New Year's Day.

On the superstitious side, I'm a firm believer that however you bring in the year is how your year will be. So some will be surrounded by friends and family, tired, and partying. I prefer to be safe at home, calm, and asleep. So that's how I do New Year's Eve. All the folks trying to get me to go out need to get over it. The last party I went to on NYE had me sipping chicory coffee and getting driven home. Needless to say, the subsequent year was completely out of my control, so tried and true staying home is for me.

As for New Year's Day, dinner is steeped in tradition.
Ham, black-eyed peas, and collard greens.

Ham because the pig roots forward. (Cows eat from the top down and chickens scratch back). So here you've got forward movement=progress.

Black-eyed peas because they're a humble food for a humble people. There's a little confusion as to why exactly black-eyed peas are at the table, but the rumor is that they were plentiful and the wise people would eat them=plentiful wisdom.

Collard greens because they grow up in abundance=prosperity.

Potatoes and most other root plants (turnips, sweet potatoes, etc.) are buried in the ground and grow down. We should be reaching upwards and ahead. What's down is behind us and so long as you remember where you've been it's ok to look ahead to where you're going.

So as you think about your own new year's traditions please share. When I was little we always thought that the ham (or whatever meat) was for strength, but if you think about it: Prosperity through plentiful wisdom will give you the strength to progress.

That just my thinking. Happy New Year everyone.

Random thought for the Weekend: Gettin' your New Year's on

2007-12-29T21:48:00.000-05:00

December 28, 2007
New Year's special: Random thought for the weekend:
Mo' Gin, Less Tonic (courtsey of SteveNicin'). See you in 2008!

Training mishaps

2007-12-26T22:08:00.001-05:00

It is a shame I have zero "training" in the things I am interested in...
no "major" qualifications (I'm neuro by training)
no "honors/awards" recognitions for talents (I have no talents)
no "training" (How was I supposed to know I like these things?)
*sigh*
I probably should have majored in Materials Science (I got A's in those classes)
Or perhaps a language (Got an A in Persian, too)
Maybe looked for fellowships while I was an undergrad (I was too busy trying to find myself... wasn't lost to begin with...)

ARGH!!! Despite all the awesome people I've met between then and now, had I the chance to do it all over again I would take the risk and "Change It All"

I am woefully behind on life and at this point have no plan with which to change it... *sigh*

Random thought 2-for-1 holiday weekend special:

2007-12-23T23:00:00.000-05:00

December 21, 2007
1) Soap used to burn, remember?
2) There's no good way to say 'Thank You' to a wonderful friend.

That's all.
Merry Christmas folks!

Because of my need to get my work done...

2007-12-19T17:27:00.000-05:00

I am writing this because it's bugging me and I have a lot of work to do. The fact that this is bugging me is preventing me from being efficient. So, here you have my rant about things that need to get out of my head.

I have this friend who's status is getting jeopardized because I don't think this "friend" is being much of one. I may have mentioned this before, but I'm a psycho about sending cards. Birthday cards, holiday cards, "just because" cards. There's just something about stationary that makes everything else OK. I mean really, tell me you aren't excited to get a piece of mail that isn't spam or a bill when you check your snail mail? Thought so.

I have holiday cards that I cannot send because I do not have THIS particular friend's address.

There's effort in sending a letter. You had to write/type it. And if you're like me you thought about what pen you used, what paper, what envelope, what stamp, and it was all tailored to the person you were sending the card/letter/package to. On top of that, I spend a good deal of what little "free" time I have calling *shudder* my friends, talking to them, seeing what's going on, and being what I consider to be a good friend. I'm not big about talking on the phone, but if I didn't talk to people I'm pretty sure my immediate family would have disowned me by now. I called them just about everyday I was in college and at one point I distinctly recall my mom asking me if I had any friends, because if I had time to call her everyday then maybe I wasn't telling the truth.

But my point is, I have a handful of friends that I am very close to loosing touch with. It is making me very sad. For a variety of reasons there were things about these people that mean a whole lot to me. I like to think my friends are incredibly diverse and they're not interchangeable. I think this might be why I can't say I have a "best" friend. Like, if I want to talk with someone about politics, I have a friend that I always call to talk politics. Sure we talk about other stuff too, but I know that if I'm in the mood to talk politics they are too. I have a friend that without fail, if I want to talk about music they'd be down to talk about music. All kinds of music. I have a friend that's always making me try new things, so if I think something might be interesting, I know they'd be game. I have friends that know if they need to vent they can call me and I'll listen. I hope they all know that.

So, what's happening is I am loosing touch with two very important people. My friend that's as cynical, bitter, and sarcastic as I am and my friend that talks politics/society/big ideas. So much of who I am was reinforced by these people that I suppose it is only timely that I am loosing touch with them. I am on the verge of having to make so really big decisions about the next stage in my life and as much as I'd like to vet my ideas through them they are no where to be found. As much as I'd like to sit around and be sad about that, I still have to make these decisions...

Perhaps the greatest thing they will give me as friends is not the growth that I've seen in myself, but rather the strength to be that person and make these next decisions without them. We'll see, but I'll miss them just the same...

2nd Annual Posse "Festivus for the Rest of Us" Celebration

2007-12-15T17:05:00.000-05:00

From here we welcome you to the 2nd Annual Posse Celebration of

"Festivus for the Rest of Us"!

There are no words to describe how strange this event is. Every year.

(If you're not familiar with Festivus, I suggest you check out the Seinfeld episode on YouTube or something. Otherwise, in addition to thinking my friends are bonkers you'll have zero context to put the randomness in).

A slight posse twist: All of our functions involve funfetti cupcakes, Franzia, and grilling.

The traditional festivus meal (meatloaf) was prepared by this gal:

She made 2 regular ground beef meatloaves and 2 bacon-wrapped meatloaves. One of the gals brought a turkey meatloaf.
There were 5 meatloaves! Really. (I hate meatloaf). And yet, I found myself in the kitchen cooking 4 of them. But here's a bit of genius for you. What does bacon do when you cook it? The grease pops, right?!! Right. So if your bacon-wrapped meatloaves are on the bottom rack and it pops, where does it go? Right, on the bottom of the pans above it. Then what happens? It burns.

Awesome. So every time you open the oven door a huge plume of blue smoke comes back in your face. So you switch them around only to find that one loaf is in a pan too small to accommodate the amount of fat being produced by the meat (ewww, gross), which is in the process of spilling and burning on the bottom of the oven adding to the smoke. Great.

So windows and door get opened, fans go on, food finishes cooking, and eating commences.

I have to remember my m.o. is to leave, get something to eat, and return. Without this practice, I don't usually eat at the functions and have to take extra care about for what happens after.

But what's Festivus without: festivus pole, a DVD airing of the grievances, and feats of strength?

Pretty boring. And the posse takes its festivus celebration pretty seriously. I'll refrain from the pictures from the "crap-tastic gift exchange" and just share the "Ladies of Festivus" group picture.

Don't exactly remember taking this picture, but that's almost all of the ladies in attendance. The "Guys of Festivus" group picture is... not suitable for publication. Ha!

The gals pulled off another Festivus Miracle (everyone made it back to their own home) and aside from a few bruised shins, metallic superman hot pants, dance marathons, and a mess of festivus proportions, job well done!

Until next year ladies...

Random thought for the weekend

2007-12-15T17:02:00.000-05:00

December 14, 2008
There's something about running into familiar faces that has the potential to leave you in knots. Happy Festivus everyone!!

Clarification: This weekend's random thought

2007-12-07T22:29:00.000-05:00

Given the events of last weekend (and the completely inappropriate thoughts of this week) I stumbled into Friday with just one thought for this weekend:

Clarification: Interesting does NOT mean RANDOM strangers. I've confirmed random strangers are always sketchy. Be safe.

You know me (well, some of you do) so you know I have this thing about talking to all the interesting people out there and have recommitted to doing so. (See previous Random Thought for the Weekend). Sadly, this idea upchucked in my face, a big whopper of a loser, and equally as sketchy.

Luckily this weekend will be spent doing some good work, some dissertation work, and a small party. That leaves very little room for RANDOM stranger encounters and will hopefully result in some INTERESTING stranger meetings. That said, all those who keep a watchful eye on yours truly can take it easy this weekend. I'll keep the "OH, COME ON! You can't be serious?!" type of events to a minimum.

Make it a great one!!

Random Thought of the Weekend

2007-11-30T20:13:00.000-05:00

For a handful of friends I share my "Random thoughts for the weekend." These little tidbits are truly random and can be anything from something I read to something I noticed to some totally off the wall rant-type hissyfit. The past has featured such gems as

September 2
It's nearly over and not nearly enough to make up for the week I had. Happy Labor Day! P.S. Fall is on the way! Woo hoo!

September 16

Crisp breezes feel really clean. Maybe it's my fall bias (yeah almost fall!) but rustling leaves are so peaceful.

September 28

Adult supervision. After last weekend I need adult supervision. Make it a great one! Happy Friday!

October 19

Woah, it's Friday. Well, so much for that one.

November 2

Perfume/cologne should not function like Hansel and Gretel's breadcrumbs. If it does you might want to see an ENT specialist.

November 10

I should do more people watching. There are some really interesting strangers out there...

November 16

The colossal amount of work I have to do before Monday will not preempt college hoops or pro football :-) have a great weekend!

November 23

According to Harper's Index, fruitcake has the same density as mahogany wood. :-) That's the coolest random thought of the year!

November 29

The spiders that scare you hang out in those piles of leaves you like to jump in. In case you didn't know. :-)

... SEE YOU NEXT WEEK!!

Sports Nation

2007-11-10T17:29:00.000-05:00

I like sports.
It's that simple.
I will watch most any sporting event out there and every year I try to pick up a new sport, or follow a specific event. Unfortunately I typically have to do this by myself. Why is that?

Well, it's because most of my local friends do not follow sports. At all. Not at all. Well then, what's a sports fan to do? Usually I'll do whatever my friends want, go to a bar, hang out at a coffee shop, and heaven forbid, go dancing. Hey, it's not like I don't like doing any of those things, but it gives me very little to talk about. Believe it or not, as much as I like to talk to strangers, large groups of people, the mall, couples, and kids freak me out. I don't read the same things as my friends. I don't watch the same shows.

Actually local or not, I don't tend to have much in common with my friends. I think we probably just find each other mutually interesting. We're not in the same professions. We don't vacation in the same places, but at least in the case of my non-local friends if all else fails I can talk about sports or what's going on where they are. And since I know them a little better we can talk about their jobs, politics, religion, and all those other taboo topics that for the most part I avoid talking about with anyone else.

So I guess at the end of the day it's less to do about sports than it is my unwillingness to let my local friends get to know me and my resultant inability to really get to know them. Bottom line: It's Saturday and while I work on my dissertation I've got the college football games on, and tomorrow I'll be watching the NFL. If a Portland, Chicago, or Charlotte game is on in my area I MIGHT consider watching an NBA game, but starting next week Wednesday, Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday will be centered on college basketball. That's just that.

If you can't get down with that I guess you're just going to have to start watching CNN, reading the New York Times, TIME or Newsweek magazines, because I might just not have two words to say to you.

Sorry, I'm just not that interesting and my ability to care is on hold.
:-) Love you too!!

He's got my vote!

2007-11-08T14:19:00.000-05:00

I'm voting for this guy whether he's on the ballot or not. If you've ever gotten the chance to read his book, study his company, or hear him speak you know a little bit of what I'm talking about.

Not that I'm not really excited about a lot of the others running, not running, should be running, or could be running, I like this guy the most. Better than McCain when I wrote him in in '04, so yeah, I'm serious. I'll write this guy in, even if he doesn't run.

http://www.newsweek.com/id/68113

My spot

2007-11-06T16:50:00.001-05:00

So there's this rather cute site, Find Your Spot, which I stumbled upon a few years back. Through a series of preference ratings the site lists your top matches of metros throughout the country. And I use the term metros loosely. I'm not sure how many people would consider Fayetteville, Arkansas a metro, but that's been on some people's lists.

For me, nearly without fail Baltimore, Maryland; Providence, Rhode Island; Boston, Massachusetts; Portland, Oregon; and somewhere is some land-locked state are on my list. Why? There must be something about where you go to college that brands your mental preferences, because my sisters both got areas that were either where they went to school for undergrad, or very similar to those places. That's kind of not cool. Though sometimes, depending on my mood I can get Washington, DC, Houston, TX, or Chicago, Illinois to appear, and I actually like those two places most of the time.

I suppose that you associate so many good things, friends and all those awesome experiences, with where you went to school. Or if you are deeply branded by where you grew up maybe those places play out more. So when you do preference ratings like this it could easily go one way (I want to relive undergrad!) or the other (I am NEVER going back!).

Bottom line for me however is that I did not like Baltimore all that much when I was there. The people I met were nice enough. They're my really good friends, but trust, if I could have met them somewhere else, I would have rather done that. I'm not moving back to Baltimore. That's just not going to happen.

You know what would be really fun? If Find Your Spot had an international version. What if your personality and preferences matched up better with a foreign country? Would you go? I'm doing my own trial run of this when I finish school, but I still think it would be awesome to know if I should really be moving to Greece, or Barbados, or Australia instead of staying in the States or going some of the places I have already put on my list.

I think I might have to join the Foreign Service. Otherwise I might never have a retirement. Department of State here I come! (That's kind of funny considering I wanted to be a lawyer, FBI or CIA agent when I was little. Eh, it's close enough).

Find Your Spot!

Living apart together

2007-11-04T16:29:00.000-05:00

Now I've been in many a conversation over the years about this topic and I am very glad to see an article that supports my point of view. I think it is completely possible to have a meaningful relationship without co-habitation. The fact that there are an estimated 3.8 million people in happy marriages where they do not live together means that my friends could still have hope for me. (Though if they were smart they'd drop that thought immediately).

Have a look at the article and see how one couple makes it happen. Go them!

Farewell Bombay, you'll be missed...

2007-10-15T19:11:00.000-05:00

This was the saddest part of my Sunday.
(Even sadder than the Cowboys loosing to the Patriots--though I'm not so surprised, but still).

Bombay Furnishings is abandoning it's US market. WHAT?!!? I haven't had a chance to fully furnish my non-existent digs. Does this mean I will have to purchase my furniture in Canada? Buy Thomasville locally? Or take the minimalist route with Room + Board? Yikes!

I like all of these furniture brands and quite a few more, but when it came to those touches that helped you define a space, or furniture with just that touch of class I always thought of Bombay Company. Maybe I'm a sucker for exotic furniture styles with a classic base, who knows. Nevertheless, Bombay is leaving me.

Hey, it gives me a reason for never getting my own place/buying my own furniture. :-)

I'm not saying Bombay was the pinnacle of furniture either, but you like what you like, and it's sad when you can't find it any more. So, for all you furniture buffs out there, whether you're Ashley, Broyhill, Bassett, Ethan Allen, or distributors like Haverty's I'm on the look out for that next inspiring line/brand.

I also highly recommend magazines like Dwell, Elle Decor, and Metropolitan Home.

So, farewell dear friend, Bombay Furnishings. The timing just didn't work for us.

In Appreciation

2007-10-13T00:13:00.000-05:00

I am deeply humbled by all the well wishes for my birthday and appreciative of my friend who spent a good portion of her day with me. If I could spend as much time with each of my friends, just enjoying their company, would be a gift beyond measure.
I was fortunate enough to get exactly what I wanted for my birthday; a beautiful, crisp, autumn day. Unlike years past I decided to forgo the deep contemplation of my place in this world and will enter the second quarter of this life without plan or expectation in simple appreciation and obligation of having had the opportunity.
Thank you all!

Notice

2007-10-09T16:18:00.000-05:00

Hey,
Can I get some notice please? Really. Is that too much to ask? With all the nonsense that's going on right now, I'd like to find out things before hand, or just hold off on the big time news until after May, 2008. Why? Because honestly, it'll shake me up too much. I just need things to settle down and work. I need to make some progress on some projects, and I just need things to be a little less like a roller coaster. Can we do that, for me, please? Thank you.

I understand every one's life is a little like a suspense flick, but guess who's not watching it? That's right! This one (*pointing at me*)! Seriously though, I'm not known for my excellent skills at taking surprises. Granted, I'm not my younger sister (be prepared for a fight if you startle her), but really, I'm not game for something that might give me indigestion right now. It's not fun for me.

What else? Oh yeah, if it doesn't involve a theme song (and/or dance) it might not amuse me right now.

BUT! If you're a friend I'm here for you, night or day. You know where to find me. I'm just venting a little bit. Too much news in one day. Having a little bit of difficulty processing all of it.

*Sigh*

She's Married Now

2007-10-06T13:30:00.000-05:00

Well, she's been married for a little while now. A very very good friend of mine got married at the end of September.

Congratulations!!!

I am very excited for the both of them. They are a great example for any one who wants to learn how to treat someone you care about/love.

About the wedding, how gorgeous is this?

The wedding party

Bridesmaids & Groomsmen

Bell Ringer and Ring bearer

Bride with the Flower girls and Ring Bearer

The reception hall was equally as gorgeous. No one sent me pictures of that though, so I can't share.

Funniest/sweetest/most sentimental statement of the weekend: My friend's dad to the groom at the rehearsal dinner, "I'm giving you my first born, and you gave me a card. Some how I don't think that's a fair trade."

It was such a wonderful event. As a side note... the bridal party was crazy. I don't know what we were on, but there was no reason for my side to hurt ALL weekend from laughing so much.

Some highlights: Thursday, the bridal party arrives in town for rehearsal.

Bride's cousin-a bridesmaid--with a groomsman, another bridesmaid, and the bride's youngest sister running late from the airport talking to the maid of honor, "You can't start without us, I've got half the bridal party with me! I'm holding 'em hostage and I got demands!"
--as it turns out we weren't late and we started a hour after we were supposed to start anyway.

Groom to the bridesmaids, "Let me introduce you to the groomsmen so you can a least act like you like each other."
--remember now, all the groomsmen hadn't been together more than a year. The bridesmaids were in town for the engagement party a few months earlier.

Bride to one of the groomsman and me (who were tired from all the waiting), "If you two do that two-step down the aisle I WILL come out and get you."

Friday, the bridesmaids are on their own until the mani/pedi appointments that afternoon
Exchange between one of the bridesmaids to her best friend,
"Can you lotion my back?"
"You want me to do what?"
"Come on, just do it, we're trying to go."
[friend using three fingers to lotion the bridesmaids back] "This is wrong. I must be the best friend you got. Remember that."

The two out of town bridesmaids and the best friend (from previous exchange) late leaving downtown on the way to the spa:
"Why are these street numbers going down. Aw crap we're going the wrong way."
"Do you see that traffic on the other side?"
"Guess we'll take the local roads."
"We are so late."
(a little bit later)
"I don't think they'll notice... woah."
"What?"
[gawking at the driver of another car in traffic] "Speed up. Speed up. That car."
"What are you doing?"
"I'm writing down the license plate. Dude, he wasn't wearing a ring."
[best friend from the back seat] "Yo, you girls are crazy. He did look good though."

My manicurist to me after I smudge my nail polish at the spa, "Didn't I tell you to sit still?"
Me, "I tried!"
[sitting with my fingers locked on the sofa, waiting] Bride to me "You look SO sad. This is funny. Just sit still!"
(a few minutes later)
Bride to me "You did good! I'm proud of you!"

Saturday, the wedding:
-All the dresses fit, but we each have a problem.
1. Why won't this strap stay UP!?
2. My corset's showing in the back? Let me adjust it. Now? Worse!? Push it down, pin it down, pull, pull, pull.
3. I didn't need to hem this dress, but I'll be stepping on it all day. Is my bra showing back there? Can you push it down?
4. My bra's coming up. Hold on. Eh, quit stepping on the train. Pull it out, pull the bow out.
5. Oh! [sees the bride] Let me not look over there or I'll start crying. Can you fix my train? I keep stepping on it.
6. [Fidgeting with her dress] If this rides up anymore it's gonna choke me.

More highlights:
"Hey gorgeous."
"What's she doing? Oh lawd, she's dancing to Chaka Khan's "I'm every woman." Hold up, I'm comin'!"
"Was that his toast? I know that wasn't his toast. He's been talking about his toast since they got engaged and he did THAT?!"

Post-wedding dinner with hotel roommates:
Bridesmaid: "Ooo, I like his jacket."
Me: "I like him. I'm going to go over there and say hi."
Best friend: "What?! What are you going to say?!"
(a few minutes later)
Best friend: "I can't believe you did that."
Other roommate: "What'd he say?"
Me: "'We'll stop by before we leave. But I'll call you later.'"

A little bit later with a different group of friends:
My friend to me: "Why are you talking to him?"
Me: "He's interesting. And he just bought us all a round."
My friend to the weird guy I'm talking to: "Oh, thanks man."
Weird guy: "No problem. You friend is really cool. She's smart man. Told me I need to be less stressed. That's knowledge man."
My friend: "Yeah... so we're leaving."
Me: "Totally."

Me @4am at the airport (without sleeping) to the nice lady from Detroit: "Note, no matter what airline you fly, and no matter that the airport is practically open 24 hours. There will be NO ticket attendants at the desk until 1-1.5 hours before their first flight of the day. So if you're flying Northwest from the east coast or Midwest, they rarely fly before 7 am, so if you get there at 6am you'll be more than on time. And yes, I've learned that the hard way."

This is the lite version of what happened. There were theme songs and dances. The Matrix at the lame bar on "the last night out" and the best friend getting hit on by every sketchy guy in sight. To say nothing of traffic that originates out of no where, dinners at the family house, and an unimaginable ability to function with practically no sleep.

And just as it started, it was over. Extremely classy event. Beautiful couple. Crazy friends.

The first set of pictures I got were from one of the groomsman's wife. The title of her photo album: "...Cold a$$ wedding." Too cool for me. It's been a long time since I've had that much fun. Can't wait for the housewarming party. :-)
What can I say. The weekend of the "Cold a$$ wedding" was a the most fun I've had in a really really long time.

To my friend: Congratulations!! You were a gorgeous bride. I wish you all the best in your new union.

My friend the PhD

2007-09-14T08:04:00.000-05:00

A really good friend of mine recently completed his PhD.
Yea!!!
Now, I've met a number of people and have quite a few friends who've had challenging times come their way while completing their degree, but none have had the ACADEMIC trials that this individual faced.
Conflicts with his advisor, authorship disputes, project development, project requirements, all the way to having his advisor leave the university and not take the lab with them.
In scholarly pursuit, whatever problem you can imagine, it happened. But seemingly without a hitch in 5 years and 2 months my friend has completed his degree and is off to the next great adventure. Though currently unemployed, there is no doubt in my mind that the smartest person I know will soon be employed and surprising me yet again.

To you my friend, Congratulations! You have certainly more than earned it.

"Like Death Warmed Up"

2007-09-11T17:49:00.000-05:00

If you've seen the movie, you know the quote, and if you haven't, well I guess you just don't know.

[Sick Emily, assistant 1, laboringly comes into the office]
[Andy] "Hey, how are you feeling?"
[Emily] "Like death warmed up."
End conversation.

How you go from perfectly well, functioning human being, to feverish, fatigued, achy, sore throat, BLAH in 3 hours I will NEVER know. Seriously, I left the lab at 1p feeling pretty good about life, had an appointment at 3, still felt pretty good a 4 but the running around was wearing on my fragile little body, so when I left a meeting at 5:50p and felt like the world jumped up, smacked me and yelled "Gotcha!" I'm wondering what the snap happened. And at 7pm I feel like this (see title)... What the crap!?

Wish me well. (No seriously, of all the people in the world that don't know how to be sick, I'm that person).

Inbox

2007-09-11T10:11:00.000-05:00

I'm going to put this out there. I have over 4000 messages in my inbox. Why?

You're asking the wrong person.

Do you know what the #1 thing I'm looking forward to is now?
That's right! Hitting the "Delete" button on that account and never looking back.

For that matter, I'm looking forward to hitting that same button on all of my current accounts except the one attached to this blog and the one that receives my alumni forwarded mail. Word.

Chairs

2007-08-29T13:15:00.000-05:00

I hate chairs. Sure they have their place, living rooms, dining room tables, any place people see a need to sit, but I don't like chairs. I would much rather sit on some other object--table, floor--just anywhere but a chair.
Maybe it's because I'm short. Well, I'm average American woman height, I think (5'5"-ish), so in most chairs my feet don't exactly reach the floor. The strain of my feet not being on the floor hurts my legs.
Chairs also make my back hurt. I blame short thighs that do not allow me to sit knee-to-hip in the seat of most chairs thereby allowing my back to be supported by the back of the chair. Tack on the fact my torso is short and even if the seat of the chair fits more often than not any back support in the chair will be misaligned and there you go, back pain.
Basically I have to sit in this chair at my desk and as my advisor says "It's killin' me!"
Boo chairs. Yeah floor, tables, and standing up!!

If I ever get my own house... bring your own chair, otherwise you'll be in the kitchen, sitting on a pillow, or instructed to rock some crossed legs on a table.
Workin' it out...

Birthdays, Weddings, Anniversaries & such

2007-08-28T21:41:00.000-05:00

I can't keep up. Between the birthdays, births, folks who were married before I knew them to the people who've gotten married since I've known them, then those who will be married, it's just too much. I can't keep up. My parents got married on a holiday weekend, my sister's best friend got married on a holiday, my friend got married on a holiday and WAY too many people have the same birthday. It's cool because that makes them easier to remember, maybe, but still I haven't adjusted. Probably because I'm just weird, I get along with most of my friends' and family's significant others, but it just feels like it's more of a courtesy and less of a "hey I want to get to know you too!" I think that feeling goes both ways.

Most of the time one of my friends has to remind me to be happy for my friends, support them, and blah blah blah, when I want to throw a little temper tantrum and say "well who the crap am I supposed to hang out with now?!" There is no doubt in my mind I'm going to wind up being that 1 single friend that is only allowed to be around some of the time and who gets vicariously lived through. Though I seriously doubt anyone is going to want to be living my life: I'm entirely too random.

It's exciting though. It's like a challenge. Once I've been introduced to people I sort of treat them like I've known them forever. It's less awkward that way I think. It's a lot more fun too, because you're more inclined to just do what you do and go about your business. I mean, once you know the house rules and stuff. There are some crazy house rules out there. I have a friend whom I'm only allowed to talk to if I go through their significant other first. And that's fine or whatever, if it's cool with my friend, then I guess I'll do that. I'm not calling everyday, I don't call anyone every day, but yeah, whatever floats your boat friend.

What I have to keep an eye on is passing judgement and really jumping to conclusions. I will have to say over the time I've been in graduate school a good large number of my friends have gotten married. For each and every one of them I've essentially written them off. Not that I totally abandon the friendship or whatever, but from the time I know they're in a serious relationship, I back off considerably. I don't call that much, but I am a little bit more selective of when I do call. I don't share much about my life to begin with so I'm even more inclined to share less, I tend not to ask questions that might result in an answer that involves information about that friend's relationship. So, essentially from the time a relationship registers as serious through the second or third year after they get married it's a limited-sighting time. I'm just not around. Ditto for if a friend has kids. I make it a point to see them while they're pregnant and before the baby's born, but there is an almost mandatory 2 year hiatus after the baby is born. I just don't do well around itty-bitty new people.

That being said, of the people I rolled deep with when I was in school, in 5-6 years we've been out of school all but 3 of the gals are married, but interestingly, only 3 of the guys are married. Very interesting...

My hope is that as life changes and my Hallmark calendar gets all the more congested my friends are still my friends and from time to time we still hangout. I guess the more the merrier, but as much as I like meeting new people I think it would just be cool to have a super huge party and have everyone show up. That would be the coolest.

Maybe as I start this globe hopping I'll wind up in a place, have a show, or something that everyone will want to be a part of and all my family, friends, random acquaintances, and new folks would come and see. You know what? I'm going to be real, I'll probably be the only person not at that party because either too many people will show up and I'll chicken out or I'll be dead.

So forget the wedding, anniversaries, and such. I want to go on record and I fully expect to be held to this, I will have the most rockin' birthdays (when I do decide to celebrate) and each time it will be an "EVENT." So yeah, I will be there to party and celebrate all the weddings, anniversaries, baby births, graduations and such of all my friends, family, and random acquaintances, but some of you people better show up at my birthdays. It's about the only party I'm ever planning to have. (Maybe a festival party or something, but my birthday is on a pseudo-holiday, so yeah! Show up!) I am happy for each and every one of you because you're happy and that's the only thing that matters to me. So long as you're sane, happy, doing what you want to do, and all that, I'm happy for you. Everyone knows me and how I am, so that will never change and one thing you can be assured of is that I will be there, whether you want me to or not (most likely, not).

So Happy Birthday, Happy Anniversary, Congratulations, and Awwww!!!
Trust, I have a card with your name on it. It might be late. It might be random. It might be exactly what you need, but always know, whether I get my act together to send it in time or not, I do remember, I do think about it, and I do care.

Congratulations!

Writing

2007-08-26T15:46:00.000-05:00

I am supposed to be writing: dissertation, fellowship applications, random other nonsense. It doesn't matter because I lack the mental ability to focus and do anything. It's like my world is one big picture book and no one has bother to draw any pictures. I used to be really good with extracting meaning out of words, and I suppose after over 9 years of higher education I have concluded words don't mean much and as such my ability to understand them no longer exists. This is very sad because I was such a stickler about grammar, loved passive sentences, and enjoyed the imagery that could be created with the written word.

Oh well.

Am I really supposed to care?

2007-08-22T19:53:00.000-05:00

Now, unlike my relatives and friends found all over the web, decorating their websites with links and pictures and the whatnot, I don't have the time for all of that.

Just the word reside here. So, I'm wondering, if I'm really supposed to care.

Am I supposed to care that a professional athlete, who by the way doesn't have the greatest track record for being a responsible, respectable human being, admitted guilt TO A CRIME?!
No, I don't think I'm supposed to care.
Should I be concerned his union representative isn't fighting for him to be able to play football again?
Not so much. Seems like, if the players have a problem with how their union boss is doing his job, I'd think they'd get rid of or reprimand him. How many people out there are fighting for others who have served their time in the penal system to get back in the work force? Right. Thought so.
And since when is this news? Are we as a society so devoid of reason that we have grown to accept, or worse, prefer, to follow the law-breaking, anti-social, deplorable, and morally depraved behavior of so-called celebrities? What the crap is going on in your community?! There's no wonder there's no hope in the world. If your world revolves around what illegal activity or life happenings are happening to someone else, what does that say about your life? Are you even living it? You do realize you don't get another chance. Get right.

Let one more person mention Michael Vick. Let one more person call me a crazy dog lover. Let one more person waste my time with the nonsense of celebrity gossip. You will receive the BBC daily digest in return. Pay attention to something that matters then get out and be the change you want to see in the world.
And for the love of dairy, NO MORE MICHAEL VICK!!!

Dissertation Nation

2007-08-20T18:54:00.000-05:00

It's time!
Yeah buddy! Final haul to the dissertation. I'm wrapping up the loose ends of experiments, searching for a job, applying for a fellowship, and representing the masses!!
That's right folks; I'm crazy and terribly unfocused.
So, to counteract my terrible habits, I've adopted a near 24 hour schedule that balances 1 for 1 something I don't want to do with something I do want to do.
Take the beginning of today-
Go to lab. Eat breakfast.
Extracted DNA. Checked email.
Calculated protein amounts. Returned email.
Set up/run Western. Goofed off.
Finished Western. Went home.
Researched fellowship essay topic. Ate dinner.

You see how this goes. Now my head hurts, my typical wicked headache for this time of year has returned, and pairing this with my temporary vegetarianism I've adopted before my friend's wedding means I'm hungry and nauseous all the time.
Pain + pain = weird L-type high

But, come the S-I-X - I will be 100% in the writing, gunning for the end. How cool is this: The last day to apply to graduate is my birthday. Talk about a hot birthday gift if I can pull it off.

"We dig-dig-dig-dig dig-dig-dig in mines the whole day through!" ~7 dwarfs
"Got me workin' workin' day and night!" ~MJ
"I'm focused man!" ~Jay
"I'M OUT!!!" ~Dave

My dog

2007-08-14T20:24:00.000-05:00

My dog snores.
Just like people.
I think he learned it from my dad.
He's got a little spot beside my bed and there he stretches out, curls up, or piles up pillows and sleeps.
Occasionally, he'll sit up, stretch, turn around, then plop back down and start snoring.
This dog.
He's actually my sister's dog.
She says I ruined him and that's why she didn't take him with her.
I say, she's a lazy bum and college and grad school are really convenient excuses.
He's the cutest little temperamental fuzzy there ever was.
He knows who feeds him and lets him out.
My dog snores.
Just like people.

Problem is, I don't snore.

I read

2007-07-25T19:23:00.000-05:00

I read because it is fun. I read because I learn something almost every time I do read something. I read because it is not playing video games. I read because so many other people do not.

Life is simple. It just is and each and every time you deviate from that truth you introduce a complication. For those of you who are mathematically inclined it is a lot like factoring. I say, life is the number 12. So life is really 6 x 2 or 3 x 2 x 2. So you address 3 and 2 and 2. It's simple. Deal with each piece as it appears or as you feel compelled to deal with it and do just that. Deal with it.

So I read. I am full of ideas and reasoning that I have picked up from reading. The more I observe of the world around me one thing keeps coming back, people make their own problems. Life is simple, yet so many people will not let it be.

Here is to life! It really is just that simple. GO READ!

To the NEXT!!!

2007-06-13T10:40:00.000-05:00

Well, the powers that be have given me the green light to look for my next opportunity. I am slated to be done with the lab side of this PhD in December. Since I don't really like starting things in January, I'll stick around to write this monstrous dissertation and graduate in May. Of the options I'm weighing,
1. Consulting work--Health care consulting to be exact. Specifically reviewing the current basic science literature and forecasting where clinical medicine will be in 10-15 years.
2. Post-doc--This is the next step if I want to go into academia. Post-doctoral fellowship. That's 2-3 years getting additional training and establishing a publication record to be competitive in funding and justify having my own lab.
3. International fellowship--I'd like to go abroad for a year or so and see how science is done in a some other places.

I'm not sure what my preference order is these days. Probably 3, 1, 2 but I'm not sure. What I have decided is that after I leave here I will never again be in 1 place this long. So from here until then end it is my intention to stay in 1 location no more than 2 years. This might make finding employment difficult, to say nothing of retirement options and the like. However, I have come to realize that my interest hinge on my ability to move and not be bound to any particular place.

I have the first 5 location options available to me regardless of which of my 3 employment tracks I decide to follow, so we'll see. To start I have to see which option falls out first then move from there. So all systems are a "GO!" and I should maintain a very happy existence between now and the big finish. If I really get fed up, I might just call it a day in December and not look back.

But you know me, you'll know what's going on when I actually do it. Until then, ANYTHING is fair game...

Long time no see

2007-06-02T13:29:00.001-05:00

Well now, it's been longer than a minute that I've been away from here. Reading my buddy's blog I realized mine is a lot less of a forum for comment than it is my personal soapbox. It's not really a problem for me, but it does shed light on my selfishness. I abhor the idea that the ideas in my rants might light the fire under someone else to take that idea and do with it the things that I don't at present have the time to do. Then there's the fear that once it's done it would be in a fashion sub-par to what I would have done or otherwise done in a way that I wouldn't appreciate. If that's isn't selfish, or paranoid, I don't know what it. But back to the matter at hand: It's been a year since I've been here.

A lot can happen in a year. No I haven't gotten married. (You don't know me at all do you)? And no, there are no kids. (Are you kidding me)?! But plenty of friends have gotten married and just as many have had kids, so those things have happened. I didn't graduate. That was a major down side of 2006. As a matter of fact, the 2006-2007 academic year was a colossal failure. I have never disappointed myself in a single span of time more than this past year. While the 25 days of 25 were by-and-large a success, it didn't really spark the personal change I hoped it would. The stars not aligning in all those other areas of my life put a damper (or halt in most cases) in what I would have done.

That's not okay with me. I've never been one to wait for the "ideal" situation to do something, but for some reason this stupid degree process has nearly halted my efforts to do anything else.

We'll say that at this day and time I am getting booted by karma, though I don't think I should be. Some of my friends have said that's not what this is, but I think otherwise. There is no way that life can be this malicious. Cruel yes, but repeatedly (and I think intentionally) mean, there's no way. I'm going to stop this now, but I will say, I'll give this another try. We'll see.

So for now, I'm back. LaterDays.

Oops!

2006-11-22T10:39:00.000-05:00

Ha ha... so it's been over a month. The 25 days of 25 are long gone. They went out like a bang... I shoulda told you about it. Ah well... I've been to Chicago. Went to a football game. Saw a friend. Was in the presence of the love of my life and might as well not have said a word. Got furious at a friend. Went out a few times. Had a few meals out (you know me, it's always about food). Haven't been sleeping all that well. But in general, rather enjoying this kind of awfully bad time.
:-)
I have a phone full of numbers of people I don't call. You know, the same folks that don't read this page... They're mistake... all this randomness will be published. It's only a matter of time.
Take it easy!

Birthday madness

2006-10-13T08:15:00.000-05:00

First observation I made the morning of the 12th... I've been blogging for a year. Check me out.

Second observation I made on the 12th... This day will SUCK! Why? Because I will be stressed out at some point and it's just going to make me bitter. The pill this year? Society for Neuroscience presentation and "the weirdness". The trigger? I am actually ready for the presentation and Nona.

So the recap:
Thursday October 12th--My ACTUAL birthday

Started out like any other day, cracking jokes with my Dad at the crack of dawn.... Strike that. I was awake at 12:30a on the phone with friend of mine discussing the advantages and drawbacks of graduate school. Oh yeah, I know how to get a party started.

So when I actually started the day I got ready for University Day. That's right, my graduate institution laid the cornerstone for their first building on October 12, 17-something or other and there was a ceremony to honor the birth of public higher education.
That's right, my educational resume includes the 1st research university and the birthplace of America's higher education. (What other hot firsts are out there? I need to find the next locale).

Anyway, did that, and went back to lab. Nona made me funfetti cupcakes! Nona is awesome. I know it took me a while to get used to her, but she's really one of my best friends in NC. SO, had the cupcakes, then it was time to renew the license.

The last time I did that I missed ID'ing 1 (ONE!) sign. No Passing Zone. *snickers* If you know me, you know why I didn't know that sign. This time around... 2 signs. Railroad crossing (it was just the circle, no crossbars, I'm not THAT ridiculous) and School Zone. Again, if you know me, you know why I didn't know those signs. *HA!*

Got the new license. Like the old one better. Went to the hairsylist. CJ IS FABULOUS!!! I love her, she's just great.
Running late for a presentation run-through with my advisors. I get there, do the thing, and I (that's right, ME) get applause. I am not a complete idiot. I'm actually getting better at this "complete scientist" thing. Yeah!

So I bounce, drop off the extra cupcakes with my sister. (Sorry you lost the flag football championship game... The Deuce is still hott). Went home.

Ah home... haven't been there much recently at all. Flippin' 25 days, not saying 'no' to stuff. GEEZ!

Anyway, I decided not to go to dinner at George's Garage and had dinner at home with my mom instead. It was cool.

Then the madness.

My girl from way way back... Like my 2nd friend ever was in town and then LEFT and didn't hang out with me. But that's cool, I'll catch up with her later. Anyway, I came back to campus for the Drag Show. Can we say 'Totally Awesome!'? There were professional Queens, student acts, and even a couple of numbers from plays that are happening on campus. All in all big huge fun.
The kicker? The Queen (I wish I could remember her name) that did the Beyonce numbers. That was on point. Oh, and every female in the room wished their makeup looked that good.

When that was over I met the posse at a bar. The debauchery starts. Nona, Michael, Keisha, Keisha's sister (wish I could remember her name... starts with a Sa...), Greg, Rob, Tara and Adam.

While under normal circumstances I would NEVER recommend taking unidentified pills from someone, especially Nona, the printing on the foil, the building indigestion, and 'the shakes' were getting the better of me. What did I have to loose?!?

Celebratory toasts, random chatting, plots to take over the world and we're off to the next spot. It's an 80's party. Just for Nona. She was in a car accident just 2 hours before we were supposed to meet up. She's fine. I was really surprised she still came out. What a trooper. But she did miss class... then again she has a 99 in that class, so I think she'll be ok. More talking, some dancing... it was really crowded. I was kind of worried about it being stuffy but it really wasn't bad. I've noticed, the best thing about super super crowded places (and you know I hate crowds with a passion) is that there's usually not enough room for people to smoke. So this place that's usually your typical bar was pleasantly smoke free. Nice.

Party, party, party... Last call. I look around and the only folks I see are Adam and Tara. Well then. Peace out... stone cold sober (hottness) back to Ramon then to the house.

Lauren's 25th birthday goes down as the hottest birthday ever!
And I have to especially thank Nona and Tara.

Recap-Wednesday October 11th

2006-10-12T07:12:00.000-05:00

I spent the day in the lab... Well the morning anyway. Practiced my presentation with my advisor. Did an experiment. Then I went to meetings.
Lots of meetings.
Then it was 9:00pm.
I went home and ate dinner. By the way, all this madness, it's the first dinner I've had since Sunday... and perhaps the first complete meal. Madness.
I don't think I did anything else. I'm tired. Probably just went to sleep.
Got a call at like 10:30. Talked until 12:30-ish.
Pleasantly uneventful day. I kind of needed a break.

But Thursday! Oh man...

P.S. The birthday bash might be cancelled, I had to change the venue and haven't found another one I really want to go to. Might cancel dinner too. I'm really not up for it. Bother. But you know me, "spazz-central" so chances are everything will go as planned and on Friday you can find me at whatever mellow hot spot I can find. Yeah!

Did you catch that?

2006-10-11T07:07:00.000-05:00

So yesterday I posted on the events of Monday... but I CLEARLY wrote "Thursday, October 10th". Ok, so Thursday isn't the 10th. It's the 12th and I know this because that's my birthday. But yesterday, I was so out of it I wrote that. It has been corrected. Wow.

Tuesday, October 10th
After a rather uneventful day, well no, I take that back. Everyday this madness has been going on has been interesting. More mentally straining than anything, but chances are you don't care so much about that. Moving on, I topped of my day of work by speaking to an empty room. That's right. I gave a report to an empty room and I wasn't even practicing my conference presentation (though I threw that in there too). Anyway, after I made my statement I went home only to get interviewed about speaking to an empty room. This morning there are no great quotes from the discussion, but I'm not surprised. I'm not a quotable person, at least not over the phone.
Blah blah blah, my friend Stacey calls me and says "Hey wanna hang out a Fuse. Some of my DJ buddies are playing tonight." Let me get this straight. I'm at home, watching not 1 but 2 episodes of 'Law and Order' and you want me to leave my house after it's over?! Oh! And VH1 was showing 'Friday' when I switched channels at the end of LnO. Hmmmm. She got me on a technicality. I've gone to every event my friends have asked me to go to since this 25 days of madness began. She's be trying to get me to come out to this techno party for over a year. I'd be a punk if I didn't go. It was cool though, lots of fun, I met some new people, and Stacey and her boyfriend bought me a celebratory beverage.
Stacey and I are taking our crazy show on the road when we head to Atlanta for this conference on Saturday. She's already looking up night spots for us to go to.

It's not even the halfway point. Just imagine what's in store. Big Bad Birthday Bash on Friday (I hope my friends can come) and the near-last-day send off dive to my "QuarterCentury". I am so amped.

Monday night Trivia... not so much

2006-10-10T08:36:00.000-05:00

Monday, October 9th... It's supposed to be Trivia Night at Tallula's, but since Nona and Irene were out Tara and I opted for Monday Night Football at 4 corners. This was cool. I must again reiterate that since I've been back in NC... (ok, well that's a lie)... I've never gone out. It just wasn't something I did. Not unless it was to try a new restaurant or Jamie made me go or something. Never voluntarily. So doing this kind-of-everyday stuff for the 1st time is pretty cool. I'll even get to try this out in new places when I head to Atlanta at the end of the week and Chicago next weekend.

Here's a tidbit of information. Every year I adopt a new personal improvement goal. I've been doing it since high school. You always think that there has to be something more. Something you can do to better yourself; that it's a never ending processes, kind of like learning. But, what I'm finding is the more you do that, the closer you get to a place where you're comfortable with yourself and you're better able to be the best 'you,' you can be.

Here's a prediction. By the end of the 25 Days of 25 I will have found that piece of me that I believe has been missing for as long as I can remember. In my mind, I've found it. It is only a matter of time before I share it with the world.

... 2 days and counting...

Friday, Saturday, Sunday

2006-10-09T08:09:00.000-05:00

Friday, October 6th
I was supposed to go see my Granny. I didn't. What did I do? I have no idea. I probably went home and got some sleep... If any of you recall the circumstances under which I forget complete days, then that's probably what happened.

Saturday, October 7th
I was supposed to go to the 11th Annual World Beer Festival. I didn't. What did I do? Slept through most of the day, went shopping with my sister, and read a book. Rainy, cool fall days are the absolute BEST!

Sunday, October 8th
I was supposed to watch football. I did that. Go Panthers! On the flip side... stinkin' Cowboys. Geez! I read a book and pretty much was a lazy bum for the rest of the day. I had some meetings this evening then went out for a quick bite to eat and a beverage with the folks from the meeting. They toasted to my birthday. It was quite nice. Thanks EBo!

What else happened this weekend? The Yankees lost! Geez! I mean really... but I won't get in to that. You all might get the notion I actually care about New York or have a fondness for that place. I don't. I just like the Yankees.

Who's up for Trivia Night? The ladies of the first round! Of course. :-)

Fire Pit Party

2006-10-06T07:41:00.000-05:00

Thursday October 5- Fire Pit party @ Tara's.

So this was an interesting evening, to say the least. And considering I'm pretty sure no one reads this, let me just say "the weirdness" has reached an all time high.

Thanks to Tara for hosting such a fun time! Way to work the wilderness girl! Cassidy and Thomas stopped through, thank you! I'm beginning to think Cassidy likes to stir up more trouble than I do, but hey, you can't fault her for keeping things interesting. Kudos to Adam! You know it doesn't take you 5 days to do your assignments. Thanks for sparing a few hours and having some fun with us!
BUT, most props to the BWW posse! Nona & Michael, Greg, Rob, and Sam... with a special appearance by the Rizz. It is quite possible TNDC will be more dangerous than BWW.

...I'm hanging in there. Made the reservations for skydiving yesterday. Trying to find the will to purchase that ticket to Chicago. *whew* You just can't have this much fun all together at once.

As for the rest of you... wish you were here.

Fear of Commitment

2006-10-05T15:06:00.000-05:00

It has occurred to me that if I manage to stay the course for all 25 Days of 25 it will be the greatest show of commitment on my part to a social activity EVER!

That is to say I spent most of the day talking myself out of canceling the rest of this schedule and crawling back into that hole that is my boring life and taking a nap. I'm so so tired. But NO! I will stay the course, enjoy my outings, and prove to myself (if no one else) that I CAN do this! And have some fun!... even if it kills me *sigh*

So here's to an honest try.

25 Days of 25-recap

2006-10-04T08:37:00.000-05:00

Well here it is folks!
The 25 Days of 25!!! Everyday from September 30-October 24 I will be doing something to celebrate.
Check out the schedule recap.

Most events will take place in Chapel Hill or Durham, some in ATL, maybe Chicago.... take a look
p.s. None will take place at the house, apparently that's the house rule now. :-P

Saturday 30- Kick off BBQ @ Nona's, 2 Drysdale Court, Durham-in the Woodlake subdivision 3p-6p---TOTALLY AWESOME! Thanks to Lill' and Crew, LaKisha, Adam, and the BWW posse for stopping through.

Sunday 1- NFL game day @ Bailey's for the Panther's game (or my house if I don't wake up in time)--YEAH PANTHERS!!! Rest and Relaxation is totally the way to go on Sundays. Thanks to Justin for watching the game with me, and Clay for being such an awesome sports fan!

Monday 2- Trivia Night @ Tallula's 9p--'Goo!' Rules!!! Tara, Irene and I took 1st place in the first round of Trivia Night.... then lost royally. No room for the law abiding, virtuous ladies in the second round. And by the way... It rains the most days out of the year in Ohio, even though Hawaii boast the wettest city. Darn semantics. On to Tomorrow!!

Tuesday 3- Tennis in the Park--Ok so I only have a backhand shot. No serve, no forehand, no drop shot, just the backhand. *sigh* Cassidy, when's my next lesson? So instead I went shopping with Tara. That was fun! Sorry no pics... you know how I do.

Wednesday 4- Box Wine Wednesday @ Nona's (RSVP Required) 6p--So BWW was cancelled in preparation for the Fire Pit Party. I was going to watch the Yankees-Tigers game... but it got rained out. So what did I do? Work. *grumble* Way to Party Lauren! :-P

Thursday 5- Fire Pit Party @ Tara's (RSVP Required)
Friday 6- Visiting my Granny... sorry no guests :-)
Saturday 7- Beer Festival in Durham (ok... well maybe not... I have nothing to do--DANGIT!)
Sunday 8- MLB/NFL Rest & Relaxation @ Champps 6p
Monday 9- Trivia Night @ Tallula's 9p
Tuesday 10- Tennis in the Park
Wednesday 11- BWW @ Nona's (RSVP Required) 6p
Thursday 12- **Oh geez! I'm 25--Note to self, Renew license** Birthday Dinner @ George's Garage in Durham 7p
Friday 13- BIG BAD BIRTHDAY PARTY ('Visions' on Rosemary) Time: TBD

Saturday 14- (In ATL) Game/Club Night
Sunday 15- Happy Birthday Cassidy!!! (In ATL) Dinner @ Fogo de Chao (RSVP Required)
Monday 16- (In ATL) TBD

Tuesday 17- Tennis in the Park
Wednesday 18- BWW @ Nona's (RSVP Required) 6p

Thursday 19- (In Chicago?) Shop-a-thon/TBD
Friday 20- (In Chicago) Dinner @ Wildfire, Cocktails @ (Sushi restaurant)
Saturday 21- (In Chicago) Spa Day

Sunday 22- TBD: Skydiving @ Carolina Sky Sports (RSVP Required--Height and Weight needed for the reservation)
Monday 23- Trivia Night @ Tallula's 9p
Tuesday 24- "Welcome to the rest of your life" dinner @ Top of the Hill

That's it folks! I'm moving around a bit. I hope you can come to something. Bring your friends, ALL are welcome.... (well... you know, my definition of "all" not yours... *laughs*)... any new ideas??? Let me know!

Today's note

2006-08-29T16:22:00.000-05:00

I'll keep it short.
The word for today is, Leo.
The letter for today is, 'A' (duh!)
The number for today is 12.
Don't be surprised, it's always 12.... well maybe 6 or 2, but you get the idea.

Truth

2006-08-22T06:44:00.000-05:00

There are some truths in this world. They are things that no matter how hard we try, will happen, continue to throw themselves in our face, or just exist for us to say 'yes, of course that's right'. I submit to you then, my 12 truths. You won't agree with some of them, but like I said, MY truths, not yours.

The first... No matter where I'm going, the car/person/whatever in front of me is in the way.
The second... You think you know, but you have no idea. (They were on to something with this one).
The third... It is only a problem if you make it one.
The fourth... George Bernard Shaw was a smart man, "The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable man persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man."

Marinate on that for a minute.

The fifth... 'You' is a fluid concept.
The sixth... Every moment matters.
The seventh... All good music has a soul.
The eighth... Another good thought from Ralph Waldo Emerson, "Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing."

A pause.

The ninth... I wasn't put on this earth to be nice.
The tenth... You can hate New York and love the Yankees.
The eleventh... All it takes is a good set of eyes.

and of course,

The twelfth... In light of some news from elsewhere in the country that has resulted in much needed dialogue two thoughts of truth:

John F. Kennedy, "The American by nature is optimistic. He is experimental, an inventor and a builder who builds best when call upon to build greatly."

and Malcolm X, "Sitting at the table doesn't make you a diner, unless you eat some of what's on that plate. Being here in America doesn't make you an American. Being born here in America doesn't make you American."

There is a mentality at play here. And yet I wonder...

A thought

2006-07-20T09:59:00.000-05:00

Sleep. It is so overrated.

And I am so deprived of it. I'm stressed. I'm cranky. And I am missing people to the point it hurts. There is, no, no, NO, end in sight.

4th of July

2006-07-05T09:31:00.000-05:00

My 4th of July actually started on June 30th with a missed hair appointment, which was conveniently rescheduled for the early morning of July 1st. Which I AND my hair stylist both missed.
But back to Friday. My usual Saturday night dinner at the hot restaurant in the area was bumped to Friday. The folks I usually see on Saturday obviously weren't there, but it was fine because the food was good, the drinks were lovely, and there was a half-decent baseball game on. I then went to the mall.
This mall got flooded a week or so back when the east coast seemed to be drowning in some weird mid-summer typhoon. So virtually every store on the 1st floor was having a sale on top of their mid-summer sales. I tried on too many shoes and tons of outfits in an attempt to find something to wear on the 1st, but came up empty handed, but with a couple of ideas.
I then missed the second hair appointment.
Went to the mall closer to my house (not the flooded one) and got there before the mall even opened. I'm such a loser. The goal: Find something to wear to the 6:30p wedding that day. One of the outfits I'd tried on at the other mall was there and looked even better than the day before so I got that. Found two other shirts that were too cute to pass up and got those. Saw a really funky necklace and earring set, picked those up too. Still not too sure about the shirts I'd picked up I went to my favorite store only to find out that EVERYTHING in the store was 40% off the lowest ticketed price. (Not like it would have mattered) and picked up 4 more shirts that I'll probably never wear in life.
My pockets feeling a lot lighter than ever, I wasn't done. On my way out I saw the hottest eye liner ever and practically made myself sick with the volume of make-up (that I don't wear) that found its way in to my bag.

Ran some errands. Pick up way too many birthday cards. And TONS of belated birthday cards to account for ALL those that I missed in June, and no doubt for all the days I'll miss in July. Decided against getting the car washed. Then went BACK to the card shop to pick up the Wedding card I went in there the first time to get. Saw an adorable "occupations" mug that I just had to get for my hair stylist. Took the mug to the salon. Still couldn't get in before 6:30 on the 1st, so rescheduled for the following Thursday.

It was then on to home to get ready for this wedding.

Got there, met up with the folks from work and wound up sitting on the groom's side. Which was weird because I knew them both back in the day, but got invited because I and the folks from work are now friends with her. For once it was nice to go to a wedding that really showcased the personalities of the people getting married.

Don't get me wrong, I've enjoyed all the other weddings I've been to, but somehow they just didn't feel like the people I knew to be getting married. Maybe I just don't know them that well, but I doubt that. It's probably just not for me to understand.

The reception was loads of fun! Our boss was there with his kids (who are adorable and tons of fun). And there were so many people I knew, way back when, it was nice catching up. (Though I can't say them, or they knew me in those days). In typical form, I wind up causing a mini-controversy among the work folks for dancing with an old friend. This would be an on-going theme well in to the 4th and is actually rearing its ugly head on the 5th.

Left the reception before the 1st turned in to the 2nd. Did chores and caught up with random stuff on the 2nd. Did a full day on the 3rd getting ready for my defense on the 11th. Would have crashed on the 3rd, but couldn't because my hair was in disrepair and forced me to break rule #1, and do my hair. I vowed never to be forced to wash or style, prep or care for my hair beyond my usual nothing ever again. But I had no choice.

3 HOURS LATER!!!! (If you don't know "the poof"--my POOF, not someone else's--then you just don't know). I crash. I was too tired to even eat dinner. I will never be photographed with the poof so, sorry for you if you're not around when it happens.

Hello the 4th. I do a brief stint at the lab. A briefer stint at the office. Then some reunion stuff at the house. I am slowly coming to the realization that no food is being had at my house on the 4th. My cousin and his legendary BBQ won't be happening. And the ONLY open invite I have is from the newlyweds to come out to the farm for a potluck and fireworks. (That's right, you can do most anything on your own land in the south!). Despite my famine-d state, the only reason I went was because my dancing buddy from the wedding would be there.

Good food. Lots of fun. The boss and his family were there. NO MOSQUITO BITES!! And an old friend.

All in all a pretty nice weekend. Yet and still. 1st thing on the 5th, the controversy over me talking to an old friend. Do I really not have a life?!? That folks will use anything to attempt to glean the status of my social life. Funny stuff, ya'll.

Hope your weekends were just as fun!

Greatest Duet Ever!!

2006-07-03T07:32:00.000-05:00

I am TRULY enjoying this song, 1st thing on a Monday. But if Mike finds me an original audio clip, you can enjoy it with me.

Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell
"Ain't No Mountain High Enough"

Listen, baby
Ain't no mountain high
Ain't no valley low
Ain't no river wide enough, baby

If you need me, call me
No matter where you are
No matter how far
(don't worry baby)
Just call my name
I'll be there in a hurry
You don't have to worry

'Cause baby,
There ain't no mountain high enough
Ain't no valley low enough
Ain't no river wide enough
To keep me from getting to you, baby

Remember the day
I set you free
I told you
You could always count on me darlin'
From that day on
I made a vow
I'll be there when you want me
Some way, some how

'Cause baby there
Ain't no mountain high enough
Ain't no valley low enough
Ain't no river wide enough
To keep me from getting to you, babe

(Oh no darlin')
No wind, no rain
Or winter's cold, can stop me babe
(no, no baby) Cuz you are my goal
If you ever in trouble,
I'll be there on the double
Just send for me (ah, baby, ha!)

My love is alive
Way down in my heart
Although we are miles apart
If you ever need a helping hand
I'll be there on the double
Just as fast as I can

Don't you know that
There ain't no mountain high enough
Ain't no valley low enough
Ain't no river wide enough
To keep me from getting to you

Don't you know that
There ain't no mountain high enough
Ain't no valley low enough
Ain't no river wide enough

I shouldn't have asked

2006-06-28T07:29:00.000-05:00

There are some things you just can't apologize for. No matter how hard you try.

You don't necessarily have to do something wrong, but if it is out of character you might as well have lied or done something horrible like that, because it can jeopardize you status just the same.

In my case, I asked for a favor. Rarely if ever do I ask for anything (sans a place to say on a quick weekend trip), but just the same I feel dirtier than someone who has cheated on their significant other. I'm just not that person. If I can't do or get something myself, then I'm just not meant to do or have what ever it is others would ask the favor for. I'm a punk because I got pressured in to asking. I'm an idiot because I allowed myself to respond to the pressure, and I may get burned 4 times over because of it.

D.A.R.E. may have introduced millions of otherwise naive kids to drugs, but they did get 1 thing right, "just say no." I listened then, unlike so many others, but I should still be using that logic now. Don't get punked by the pressure and just say NO.

You can't be serious

2006-06-27T15:26:00.000-05:00

Medical Student Prom?!?

You can't be serious. There are 2 medical students working on my floor and all they can seem to talk about is the Medical Student Prom that happened at some point during the spring semester.
I'm sorry, but I'm but a lowly PhD student and the notion of re-living prom isn't exactly on my list of things to do ever again. (Who am I kidding, I didn't go to my prom and left a year early to avoid the possibility of having to avoid 2 proms). Anyway, it appears that anything that ever happened with the medical students last year happened at this prom, and as such they talk about it, a lot.

It's managed to trump everything else I could have, should have, and would have written about today. So you get, medical student prom. You can't be serious?!?! I'm never going to the doctor again. This is just unacceptable behavior.

Not just basketball anymore!

2006-06-20T07:30:00.000-05:00

GO HURRICANES!!!

On Tobacco Road it's going to be tough to get anyone to talk about anything other than basketball. But after last night, we'll pass on the Bobcats, huddle the Panthers for a quick minute, and join the storm with the Hurricanes.
If you missed the game, (or chose not to watch it in lieu of that awful Yankees-Phillies game... sorry philly fans), you missed an AWESOME game. The checks were clean, the pace was fast, the energy was high, and the 7th man was in the house. Just like we do at the college basketball games, there wasn't an occupied seat in the house. Any team worth watching is worth standing up for. Through the WHOLE game. And that's just what the 'Cainiacs did.

But I know you don't watch hockey, so I'll stop my elation there. The Hurricanes have done in 2 Stanley Cup appearances what the Panthers couldn't pull off in that many Super Bowls. A win! But the fanfare will no doubt fade faster than those nasty purple gels the City of Baltimore put on the streetlamps when the Ravens won. *Sigh* I'm going to enjoy this, and maybe get season tickets next year instead of waiting for someone to invite me with their box seats.
UNC is in the College World Series. Guess I'll pick up those games next.

Some things never change. The only "big money" sport in NC is College Basketball. Therefore, every other minor sport is bound to succeed! (Women's Soccer, NHL Hockey, College Baseball, Rowing, Minor League baseball, golf--the courses anyway, Pinehurst ring a bell??)... anyway... I've killed more time that the 'Canes killed Power Plays (yea, that was cheesy), so I'll save the rest for later.

GO HURRICANES!!!

Guess where I am??

2006-06-09T19:04:00.000-05:00

Friday Night.
At the lab.
Again.

I've got fun stuff to do this weekend, but if I'm not ready for this meeting on Monday, I will surely disappoint myself because it has been a really good week.

All that business aside, the fun stuff. It seems like every year I pick up watching a new sport. I started out with College Basketball (yea Tobacco Road!) and Pro-football (Cowboys and later the Panthers) and horse racing (betcha didn't know I'm a HUGE racing fan) growing up. In middle school (thanks to a friend) I started following NASCAR and Formula 1. Then back in high school it was tennis (thanks to Wimbeldon). Then golf (although the first tournament I watched was Tiger's first Master's and I didn't even know who he was so it might have been earlier than high school). In college it was soccer (02 World Cup), then pro-basketball (I still hate the NBA), then Hockey (at the time the Canucks, now the Hurricanes). After college I picked up cycling (Giro d'Italia, Tour de France) and most recently baseball. Check that! The LAST sport I pick up is the national pastime.
Anyway, it basically boils down to me watching entirely too much EPSN, FSN, and constantly ordering special tournament related channel packages through that evil entity know as Time Warner Cable. NCAA Full Court, Major League Baseball Clubhouse, Sunday spectacular, anyone?!? Yea, didn't think so. It's probably just me. So to read this, I'm not dainty, that would be impossible. Refined? You better believe it. Fun to be around? Possibly. I won't deny that I like sports. You'd have picked up following a few if you'd walked in my shoes too.

Most days I sit here and complain about the sporting events I could be watching. For instance... I'm sure there's a baseball game on somewhere, and more interestingly I KNOW I'm missing a soccer match. 30 more minutes and I'll be at the house. Chinese food in hand, ready to get my international cheer ON!

Holla at cha girl!

Could you pass a driver's test?

2006-06-04T12:03:00.000-05:00

Hey! Most of you, like me, got your driver's license when you were 16. Great triumph of your old age, your parents helped you earn this the time-honored, right-of-passage. If you were extra lucky, those 6 hours behind the wheel got you not only the license, but also a car, and the insurance that allowed you out on the road in the first place. Even if you didn't get all of that, you might have gotten an extended curfew, and the ability to go out and get a part-time job to pay for the car, insurance, gas, and maintenance that this new luxury require.

Today however, with the gimme-gimme generation already spoiled with technological advances and the complete inability to formulate a sentence in correct English, clogging up our highways, by-ways, and other thoroughfares, we are now forced to be ever vigilant in our attempts to brave the roads unscathed.

I am by no means the greatest driver out there. But I do know roads are most slick right after it starts raining; despite my personal preference, pedestrians always have the right of way (even if they start to cross withOUT the little crosswalk man when I have a bonafide green light); and if you speed to 'stay with traffic' and avoid causing an accident, you can still get pulled over for speeding (even if you're following the beige Dodge Caravan 3 seconds in front of you and there is equal spacing to the silver Toyota Camry behind you).

But, for those who check out the short article I would like to recognize those friends, who by virtue of their state are the ONLY ones who are allowed to claim they drive better than me. (Yes, I will even recognize those who got their licenses YEARS after I did).

Washington-- Jazz. You may be crazy, but you're probably a safer driver than I am.
Colorado-- Ru. I KNOW you're a better driver than me.
West Virginia-- Cyndi. This one is tough. I think we're about the same, but I can't dispute the survey. WVa did better than NC.
Illinois-- Jamie. I've had my license 5 years longer than you but alas, I must admit, you're a lot easier to ride with than me. Leroy-- I don't know man. I've never ridden with you, but IL is #22 on the list.
Texas-- Caroline. I'd pick you in a street race too! Minivan, SUV maven or not you handle your own behind the wheel.
Virginia-- Manna, Tonya, and Mecia-- By a few spots you got me. But that's ok. I'd say we're kind of the same.
Georgia-- I will not recognize any of my GA friends as being better drivers than me. Sorry. Brew, you are possibly a safer driver than me, but I'm not holding by breath. G, you too are a safer driver, but I don't think that makes you better.

No doubt victim of all the DISPLACED NON-DRIVING NORTHERNERS that have invaded the state as of late, North Carolina is holding the #32 spot on this list. I bet had they done this little test back when I got my license (before the second invasion from the north and the migration from south of the border) NC would throw a wrench in that Northwestern monopoly at the top of this list.
By the way, Montana and Wyoming ought not be on that list because some of those cross state highways don't even have speed limits. And with a grand total of 1200 state troopers between the two of them, outside of the cities, I doubt they'd even find you if you did break a law, have an accident, or hit an elk.

So to all my Buckeye friends; OK relatives; Alabama, Delaware, and South Carolina friends -- please don't offer to drive me anywhere.

FL, Penn, and Connecticut crew-- I'll pass

and too ALL my many many MANY Mur-land, NY, Jersey, Mass, DC, and RI friends-- let me know when you get on the road so I can make sure to get OFF! NO WONDER I can't take a trip up that way without leaving with some sort of scar on my car. GEEZ!

---
But I love you all! Happy SAFE Driving!!

Memorial Day

2006-05-31T13:53:00.000-05:00

I hope you had a great Memorial Day! The unofficial opening of summer is marked by trips out of town, the opening of local pools, and the requisite bbq.
For me, the weekend is spent at my mom's family reunion. I'd like to say now, they've had their reunion on Memorial Day weekend, WELL before it was "hott" to have things on that weekend. So if you're looking for me at a party, cruise, or other event on this particular weekend, don't bother. I'm at my family reunion.
Anyway, this year the younger members of the family had the pleasure of organizing this reunion. Yours truly heading up the affair. All in all, things went over well. Obviously, we didn't get everything right, but I think overall we did alright.
I do feel the need to step back a second and say a word about the day that granted many of us a long weekend.

Memorial Day:
A day to honor the fallen soldiers of this great nation. If you think about it, not the joyous celebratory occasion that we make it, but possibly a somber, yet proud day. I don't think there is a better place to be in this world other than the USA. I don't think there is a better country than the United States of America. Because I am happy that I am an American, I am extremely grateful to those who have fallen in defense of this country. While I can't possibly agree with all the reason that lead to those soldiers deaths, I can appreciate the fact that they gave their lives so that I can have the freedoms that I do today.
It is very similar to the respect I have for those that participated in the Civil Rights Movement. But, today, especially in the current state of affairs, I had a very difficult time being happy this past weekend.
I was excited to see my family and anxious to make sure they had a good time at this year's reunion. In doing so my sisters and I found our way to the local "Wally-world" in pursuit of toys for one of the kids' games. Outside of the superstore were three disabled veterans. One of whom couldn't have been my sister's age (21) in a wheelchair, slumped over, unable to right himself, let alone wipe away the drool on his face. A second disabled veteran closer to my father's age (59) had to do that for him. They were collecting donations for the Association for Disabled Veterans and the Association for Service Disabled Veterans.
My mom continuously tells me that you can't possibly give to every good cause that you come across and that you can only do what you can for the causes you feel most moved by. This reality upsets me, but I realize that I am limited by what I am able to give or contribute to any cause I feel is worthy. So on the way out of the store my sisters and I scratch together the cash that we do have on hand ($4) to give. I was even more frustrated that I have all but given up on carrying cash and as such cannot contribute when I feel the desire to. I have to wait and logically budget in my contribution and place an anonymous donation to some national organization which may or may not get to that local chapter that initially inspired me to contribute in the first place.
As I placed my donation, the third veteran, who looked to be about my age, with a false leg handed me a fabric forget-me-not with a paper ribbon thanking ME for my donation to the organization.
He was thanking ME! It was enough to drive me to tears. Even as I am typing this I am moved. I don't know the circumstances that led to his or the others' injuries, but I come and go as I please without a care in the world while he and his colleagues did what they were told in the hopes of preserving my ability to do so. At least that's what I want to believe.
My older sister who worked briefly for an organization that provided medical service to veterans began talking about how this country's biggest disgrace is how we treat our veterans. We whole-heartedly believe that any military personnel who is injured in the performance of their duties, especially those injured in combat should not have to worry about how they will be cared for or worry about the quality of the service. Yes the VA exists, but as we should be so enlightened, as of late, this organization, for all of it's good intentions is just as defective in their execution of their duties as the rest of government. Overly complicated, riddled with paperwork, and other tedium that hinder productive treatment, it is a wonder my dad got out of the hospital the last time the menagerie of pills his doctors put him on sent him right back to the hospital with near liver failure.
As a child in the household of a former US Marine, granddaughter to US Army enlisted officers, and relative and friend to all branches of the US Military I am thankful there are people in this country willing to place their lives on the line to protect our way of life. I can't say I could or would do it.

So, Memorial Day, it's reflective and happy. Much like religious holidays I have to take pause and remember why it is that I have this break, or celebration in the first place and for what it's worth, say my "Thanks."

Nights in the lab

2006-05-23T21:27:00.000-05:00

I really ought to just switch to working night in the lab like I said I was going to. Yet, I once again find myself on a 17+ hour day in the lab. To make matters worse I did not take a lunch or dinner break. Minus a quick trip to the park-and-ride to pick up my car, I've been at this desk or at the lab bench ALL day.

Thanks be for the box of Crispix I keep in my cabinet.

I'd have starved by now had it not been for the very strategic storing of food stuffs. Now if I only had some AriZona tea...

Despite nutritional difficulties I press on in this unforgiving academic climate. Sucks to you AHA for once again DENYING my grant application!!! My inability to secure funding for a project that is a little too "on the edge" has only served to further my opinion that there's absolutely NO reason for me to continue in research when I'm done here. I find myself drawn to a higher calling. The one that says "tell these idiots how pointless it is to have a funding philosophy that is the direct opposite of their funding policy" thereby preventing the development of the methods and products that would inevitably aid in limiting the detrimental effects of all those things that ail the living these days.

Hey! If you put $$ in the "right" places you might not have your little water cooler chats on whether or not a 3-year old horse will live or die in the next 48-hours.

But I digress. The ticks are making their way around to those hours when I get cranky and bitter about my life in the lab. I spent all of my down time today trying to figure out what I'd do if I wasn't here and whether or not that could exist in my "happy place". For those who have found their "calling" you may not understand what I'm about to say.

I'm pretty sure that I'm not going to find anything that makes me feel more comfortable about being here than sitting outside my house on an early fall days just listening to the sounds around me. I'm pretty sure I could do that all day. (Except when the bugs realize I'm sitting there, then magically come back out for the sole purpose of harassing me).

Anyway. I'm doing really good these days. My experiments are ok. I'm well health-wise. I didn't wreck my car on my most recent trip to MD. I got to see my friends (++HUGE PLUS++)!
... yet the void remains. Something is just off...

Friday night in the lab

2006-05-12T17:51:00.000-05:00

I have the great pleasure of spending my Friday night in the lab. Working most evenings these days seems to have become my norm. This is all well and good, as I can only hope this will promote my speedy end to graduate school. In the mean time Jasmine Guy (yes, the one from "A Different World") gave the Senior speech this afternoon. I OF COURSE missed it because I had a time point that I needed to process at the same time her speech started. *sigh*

Seeing as how I'll be here until late in to the night, the likelihood of me venturing back to this site to impart my sentiments on spending Friday night (never mind all of FriDAY) in the lab are... well, there's no telling with me. I may or may not come back here. Depends on how the rest of this goes.

Overthinking

2006-05-02T19:42:00.000-05:00

I am having a BLAST reading Collapse and Robert's Rules of Order. It's like a idiot's guide to not messing up stuff that shouldn't have issues in the first place.

Outside that I'm putting in ~18 hours in at the lab doing both lab and elected people stuff. Not a bad deal, but if I'd just learn to FOCUS I'd be much better off.

I could use a good remedy for over thinking though. If I don't over analyze the most minute detail of my life I don't feel like I've given it justice. That being said, I think everything I do is a mistake. It has to be. Things are just too good. Not perfect, but certainly not bad, and better than ok, so they're good. I can't can seem to appreciate that, be thankful for it, and let it be.

"The present is a gift and I just want to BE."

Reading list

2006-05-01T21:52:00.000-05:00

In one purchase, I bought a copy of Collapse by Jared Diamond and a copy of the most recent version of Robert's Rules of Order. What these two titles have to do with each other is beyond me, but it's something to read that has NOTHING to do with what I do in the lab.

Awesome weekend

2006-05-01T13:15:00.000-05:00

Thanks to all the friends who made time to see me during my latest patent-pending "drive-by-night" weekend trip. It's always loads of fun and even though I don't usually "do" anything it's just nice being in the same space as your friends. The busier you get the harder it is to do those sorts of little things.

We must get together again some time soon!

1 to 6

2006-05-01T10:14:00.000-05:00

On any given day you may run across 1 of 6 versions of myself:

1-The mute/The introvert
2- The sarcastic one
3- The bitter one
4- The hater
5- The listener
6- The happy one

If you haven't realized that all 6 of these people have been on this blog, well... you must not be a regular. These folks are neither good nor bad to be around, it just depends on what kind of mood you're in. Regardless, it's bound to be a good time.

Yes! I'm a hater.

2006-05-01T09:10:00.000-05:00

For all those out there who will someday carry the label of, or already are 'haters' let me explain it to everyone else, who may have some misconceptions as to what kind of person a hater really is.

I'm talking about that single friend you used to roll tight with; on weekends, midnight runs to the greasy spoon, or the first person you called when you know you did something you had no business doing. If you are now involved in a loving, all consuming, personal relationship, chances are you haven't seen/talked to/gone out with that friend in a while. If that's true, chances are that friend is becoming a hater.

She's happy that you're happy. She's excited that you've found someone you can share you life with, BUT she's probably not so excited that she now has to find someone new to roll out with because "we" have other plans, or "pookie" doesn't want to go.

I think the one thing all marriage counselors point out is that people who are in serious relationships and marriages are two independently functioning individuals, who have both separate and common lives. Friends whose lives differ from you new one may not "fit" anymore, despite the fact that you may still remains as friends. You probably don't want to call that friend if you have a spat with you significant other because they're not going to understand. It's not that they don't want to understand, but few will be able to offer anything from a personal perspective that's useful. Why? Because they're not in a similar social situation.

That's some really messed up nonsense. Just because you're single doesn't mean you're going to act hurt, disappointed, and unsupportive of your married friends.

That's not at all what I'm saying. All I'm saying is, whether you admit it or not, things change when one friend gets married, and the other friend is nowhere near the alter. Both friends should talk about how things are likely to go in the new dynamic. That's key to maintaining the friendship.

Speaking of... I'll just put this out there. If you're the single friend of someone who's married AND has kids, there's an additional level of 'hater-ation'. That's the "ok, so we're talking about your kid... again."
When your life doesn't revolve around the rearing and mind-shaping experience of parenthood, you might not be so fully engrossed by the "Oh, look who's a little drooly!" Straight up, that stuff is not even cute the first time.
I personally have an unstated rule. I'll come see you when you're pregnant, then I'll see you when the kid's walking. Otherwise, it's just too much "watching the baby" and I can't deal. I'm also not so big on diapers, feedings, and extra precautions that come with the wide-world of parenting. Hence, I'm no parent.
That's not to say I don't like kids. I'm a wonder with a toddler or pre-school aged kid. I'm even better when they're 10 to 14 years old. Otherwise, I may or may not hold the baby, and they're coming back to you in no more than 5 minutes.

It's just people at different stages in their lives. It's also people who want different things out of their lives. So before you label someone as a hater, if they're your friend, they still are. They just might not know where they fit in to your new life.

Just a little insight in to the mind of a 'hater'.

Bye office buddy

2006-04-26T18:06:00.000-05:00

Today was the nurse practicioner's last day. She's on to bigger and better things in NYC.
Over the past week I was surprised to find out a lot of things about her, both personally and professionally. These things only furthered my opinion of her great drive, positive motivation, and sincere interest in helping people. Her new position will allow her to develop both academically and professionally. In a few years I'll have a Doctor Nurse friend... (part of this new position will allow her to get a clinical PhD in Nursing).
So Yeah JS!

Yup... Another J. I wasn't kidding, they're all at it again!

I'll miss my office buddy, if not but for the opportunity before her. Adeus cara amiga.

Strangers

2006-04-26T10:22:00.000-05:00

I KNOW I've mentioned this before, but yet again I see my actions elevating to an unsafe level.

Between all the extra walking I do in and around campus, and the internet site memberships and listservs I'm required to be a part of only means I come in to contact with a high number of strangers. I can hear you now "good grief, she's at it again." You're right! If you look even the slightest bit interesting, confused, distressed, or just happen to be in my field of vision, chances are I'm going to say something to you. More recently people have started full blown conversations with me.

Luckily, these conversations don't tend to go on for excessive periods of time, and I usually end up walking away (because I ONLY seem to meet people when I'm late going to somewhere else). But you know me, I get an email address or telephone number because everyone is useful in some way. The idea of "added value."

I ought to explain added value, but for now, shake your head, close your eyes and say "so sad."

HA!

The vacation of the commute

2006-04-25T12:12:00.000-05:00

So... how long is your commute? Business Week had a very interesting article on the trend of "Extreme Commuting" and the very obvious backlash it has on a person's health, mental state, social networks, and I'd venture to say, general function.
With that said. I'm never living more than 5 minutes away from where I work...
Home office here I come!

Um...

2006-04-18T14:50:00.000-05:00

I think people are too comfortable around me.
That guy I was talking about a little while back... I found out has some rather unsavory feelings about people of color. And I GUESS since I wear the label of "the black girl that doesn't like black people" somehow made me neutral territory and he could talk to me. (I can't stand it when I'm categorized like that just because they think I'm assimilating; or I'm a sell out because I'm not all "fight the power", "white people suck")

Basically, what this guy said the day before I met him was that he'll "talk to n*****s and black people, but [he] doesn't like them."
Now, the guys that I know who go to these meetings believe it's only a matter of time before I haul off and hit someone after that little show I pulled a couple of months ago. (I told the HBCU reps they ought not to segregate themselves from the conversation and bring their issues up so that the group understands them... Apparently that didn't go over so well). So today we're sitting around talking and they're telling me that they were surprised I was talking to this guy, because they knew he wasn't a very 'race-friendly' guy.

I figure, we all generalize, and we do really wrong stuff like make people "exceptions to the rule," so I guess I'm just hating on the fact that I qualified as one of those exceptions. I guess I'd rather you just generalize and not enforce stereotypes (if that makes any sense). Everyone has their preferences, why not just NOT pass judgment on folks you don't know. Just say "I don't like people I don't know." I mean, that makes sense to me. How can you like someone you don't know. I guess you can't dislike someone you don't know, but since America is a country that promotes fear, you can be afraid and therefore not like the unknown.

I guess I'm just pissed off because I feel like this guy misrepresented himself and I played the role of the sucker. I'm debating whether or not to confront him about it when I see him this weekend or just probe the issue, because there are some racial issues that will come up at the meeting we should both be at this weekend. Just see how all this plays out.

Bottom line... Don't misrepresent yourself, because you just might catch me on a bad day and you may take the blame that should be going to this guy.

OH! My Back!

2006-04-14T07:18:00.000-05:00

I had one of those 'You idiot!' moments on Wednesday. I looked at a bag, saw stuff in it, told myself I needed it (when really I didn't), picked it up, and lugged it around campus all day and didn't even open it.
By the time I went to bed, my left shoulder was swollen, and it HURT. My left arm was numb with shooting pains, and I'm pretty sure my left hand wasn't functioning. When I woke up Thursday my neck was sore and I really couldn't turn my head.
Most people would have gone to the spa, gotten a massage, and been done with the pain. Oh but not me. With meetings all day with administrators and distributing my dissertation proposal, I was going to the lab!
By mid-afternoon, every neurologist in the office wanted to put me on a scanner, run tests, or otherwise invade my space. I mean really. Are you that desperate to learn something about me? Geez.
But they meant well. I never got that massage. I went to dinner with some friends and called it a night. I took something for the pain and can only hope it gets better.
So now it's Friday. My shoulder is a little stiff and just as sore as yesterday. So what does this mean? I can't carry anything! As such, I must sit here until I finish all that I need to do with the stuff that is here, because even IF I wanted to take it home (which I don't) I couldn't.
Grrrrr. I hate not having options.

What's the word?

2006-04-12T17:13:00.000-05:00

It's been a while since I've watched/read/heard the news. Anything good going on in the world?
No? Didn't think so.
Glad I didn't miss anything slightly inspiring/positive/hopeful.
I'll stick with the lab.

HUGE PROGRESS

2006-04-12T17:07:00.000-05:00

I know I'm weeks, months, and perhaps even a year or so late, but today, yes TODAY, I printed 5 copies of my dissertation proposal to distribute.
Wow! Now there's progress. Assuming there's no major debate I'll defend in a few weeks. What progress?! Then the clock begins on how long it will actually take me to graduate.
Scary thought.
I have friends who have taken time off, completed professional degrees, and have started working, ALL while I've been here. I'm such a slacker.
However, there's no need for me to start comparing myself to others. I'm on my own journey and there's no telling where I'll go next. (Though if my advisor has his way I'd be on my way to Palo Alto or Coral Gables). Congressional fellowship, anyone?
Didn't think so... *sigh*
So today was an ultra-productive day. I'm excited.

Disappointed

2006-04-08T09:31:00.000-05:00

I've got too much on my plate to even deal with this right now, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't bother me. For some reason almost everyday this week, a really good friend of mine has mentioned that they or another good friend of mine thought something about me that either isn't true or is an incomplete truth. But, rather than come and ask me about it or say something, they've decided that they'd rather have these conversations with other friends of mine, who may or may not know the truth or untruth of what they're saying.
I'm beginning to feel like I did when I was younger and everyone was really nice to me but it was all a joke. Maybe that's me being paranoid, but circles of friends I wouldn't have thought even knew each other are approaching me with the same "questions" phrased the same way, in the same tone, etc. It's getting weird and I am not amused.
So that's that. I figure, if these folks knew anything about me, they'd ask. Really though, I have no secrets so these folks just need to say this junk to my face.